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you seeand he took to writing letters and furnishing evidences。 Well；
successor after successor has done the same； down to the present idiot。
It was a succession of paupers； not one of them was ever able to pay his
passage to England or institute suit。 The Fairfaxes kept their lordship
alive； and so they have never lost it to this day； although they live in
Maryland； their friend lost his by his own neglect。 You perceive now；
that the facts in this case bring us to precisely this result： morally
the American tramp is rightful earl of Rossmore； legally he has no more
right than his dog。 There noware you satisfied？〃
There was a pause； then the son glanced at the crest carved in the great
oaken mantel and said； with a regretful note in his voice：
〃Since the introduction of heraldic symbols；the motto of this house has
been 'Suum cuique'to every man his own。 By your own intrepidly frank
confession； my lord； it is become a sarcasm： If Simon Lathers'
Keep that exasperating name to yourself！ For ten years it has pestered
my eyeand tortured my ear； till at last my very footfalls time
themselves to the brain…racking rhythm of Simon Lathers！Simon Lathers！
Simon Lathers！ And now； to make its presence in my soul eternal；
immortal； imperishable； you have resolved totowhat is it you have
resolved to do？〃
〃To go to Simon Lathers； in America； and change places with him。〃
〃What？ Deliver the reversion of the earldom into his hands？〃
〃That is my purpose。〃
〃Make this tremendous surrender without even trying the fantastic case in
the Lords？〃
〃Yes〃 with hesitation and some embarrassment。
〃By all that is amazing； I believe you are insane； my son。 See here
have you been training with that ass againthat radical； if you prefer
the term； though the words are synonymousLord Tanzy； of Tollmache？〃
The son did not reply； and the old lord continued：
〃Yes； you confess。 That puppy； that shame to his birth and caste； who
holds all hereditary lordships and privilege to be usurpation； all
nobility a tinsel sham； all aristocratic institutions a fraud； all
inequalities in rank a legalized crime and an infamy； and no bread honest
bread that a man doesn't earn by his own workwork； pah！〃and the old
patrician brushed imaginary labor…dirt from his white hands。 〃You have
come to hold just those opinions yourself； suppose；〃he added with a
sneer。
A faint flush in the younger man's cheek told that the shot had hit and
hurt； but he answered with dignity：
〃I have。 I say it without shameI feel none。 And now my reason for
resolving to renounce my heirship without resistance is explained。
I wish to retire from what to me is a false existence； a false position；
and begin my life over againbegin it rightbegin it on the level of
mere manhood； unassisted by factitious aids； and succeed or fail by pure
merit or the want of it。 I will go to America；； where all men are equal
and all have an equal chance； I will live or die； sink or swim； win or
lose as just a manthat alone； and not a single helping gaud or fiction
back of it。〃
〃Hear； hear！〃 The two men looked each other steadily in the eye a moment
or two； then the elder one added； musingly； 〃Ab…so…lutely
cra…zy…ab…solutely！ 〃After another silence； he said； as one who； long
troubled by clouds； detects a ray of sunshine；〃 Well； there will be one
satisfactionSimon Lathets will come here to enter into his own； and I
will drown him in the horsepond。 That poor devilalways so humble in
his letters； so pitiful； so deferential； so steeped in reverence for our
great line and lofty…station； so anxious to placate us； so prayerful for
recognition as a relative； a bearer in his veins of our sacred blood
and withal so poor； so needy； so threadbare and pauper…shod as to
raiment； so despised； so laughed at for his silly claimantship by the
lewd American scum around himah； the vulgar； crawling； insufferable
tramp！ To read one of his cringing； nauseating letterswell？〃
This to a splendid flunkey； all in inflamed plush and buttons and
knee…breeches as to his trunk； and a glinting white frost…work of
ground…glass paste as to his head； who stood with his heels together and
the upper half of him bent forward； a salver in his hands：
〃The letters； my lord。〃
My lord took them； and the servant disappeared。
〃Among the rest； an American letter。 From the tramp； of course。 Jove；
but here's a change！ No brown paper envelope this time； filched from a
shop； and carrying the shop's advertisement in the corner。 Oh； no； a
proper enough envelopewith a most ostentatiously broad mourning
borderfor his cat； perhaps； since he was a bachelorand fastened with
red waxa batch of it as big as a half…crownandandour crest for a
seal！motto and all。 And the ignorant； sprawling hand is gone； he
sports a secretary； evidentlya secretary with a most confident swing
and flourish to his pen。 Oh indeed； our fortunes are improving over
thereour meek tramp has undergone a metamorphosis。〃
〃Read it； my lord； please。〃
〃Yes； this time I will。 For the sake of the cat：
14；042 SIXTEENTH。 STREET；
WASHINGTON； May 2。
It is my painful duty to announce to you that the head of our illustrious
house is no moreThe Right Honourable； The Most Noble； The Most Puissant
Simon Lathers Lord Rossmore having departed this life （〃Gone at last
this is unspeakably precious news； my son；〃） at his seat in the environs
of the hamlet of Duffy's Corners in the grand old State of Arkansas；and
his twin brother with him； both being crushed by a log at a
smoke…house…raising； owing to carelessness on the part of all present；
referable to over…confidence and gaiety induced by overplus of
sour…mash（〃Extolled be sour…mash； whatever that may be； eh Berkeley？〃）
five days ago； with no scion of our ancient race present to close his
eyes and inter him with the honors due his historic name and lofty
rank…in fact； he is on the ice yet； him and his brotherfriends took a
collection for it。 But I shall take immediate occasion to have their
noble remains shipped to you （〃Great heavens！〃） for interment； with due
ceremonies and solemnities； in the family vault or mausoleum of our
house。 Meantime I shall put up a pair of hatchments on my house…front；
and you will of course do the same at your several seats。
I have also to remind you that by this sad disaster I as sole heir；
inherit and become seized of all the titles； honors； lands； and goods of
our lamented relative； and must of necessity； painful as the duty is；
shortly require at the bar of the Lords restitution of these dignities
and properties； now illegally enjoyed by your titular lordship。
With assurance of my distinguished consideration and warm cousinly
regard； I remain
Your titular lordship's
Most obedient servant；
Mulberry Sellers Earl Rossmore。
〃Im…mense！ Come； this one's interesting。 Why； Berkeley； his breezy
impudence isiswhy； it's colossal； it's sublime。〃
〃No； this one doesn't seem to cringe much。〃
〃Cringewhy； he doesn't know