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At the end of the valley； as John Bunyan mentions； is a cavern；
where； in his days； dwelt two cruel giants； Pope and Pagan； who
had strown the ground about their residence with the bones of
slaughtered pilgrims。 These vile old troglodytes are no longer
there； but into their deserted cave another terrible giant has
thrust himself； and makes it his business to seize upon honest
travellers and fatten them for his table with plentiful meals of
smoke； mist； moonshine； raw potatoes； and sawdust。 He is a German
by birth； and is called Giant Transcendentalist； but as to his
form； his features； his substance； and his nature generally； it
is the chief peculiarity of this huge miscreant that neither he
for himself； nor anybody for him； has ever been able to describe
them。 As we rushed by the cavern's mouth we caught a hasty
glimpse of him； looking somewhat like an ill…proportioned figure；
but considerably more like a heap of fog and duskiness。 He
shouted after us； but in so strange a phraseology that we knew
not what he meant； nor whether to be encouraged or affrighted。
It was late in the day when the train thundered into the ancient
city of Vanity； where Vanity Fair is still at the height of
prosperity； and exhibits an epitome of whatever is brilliant；
gay； and fascinating beneath the sun。 As I purposed to make a
considerable stay here； it gratified me to learn that there is no
longer the want of harmony between the town's…people and
pilgrims； which impelled the former to such lamentably mistaken
measures as the persecution of Christian and the fiery martyrdom
of Faithful。 On the contrary； as the new railroad brings with it
great trade and a constant influx of strangers； the lord of
Vanity Fair is its chief patron； and the capitalists of the city
are among the largest stockholders。 Many passengers stop to take
their pleasure or make their profit in the Fair； instead of going
onward to the Celestial City。 Indeed； such are the charms of the
place that people often affirm it to be the true and only heaven；
stoutly contending that there is no other； that those who seek
further are mere dreamers； and that； if the fabled brightness of
the Celestial City lay but a bare mile beyond the gates of
Vanity； they would not be fools enough to go thither。 Without
subscribing to these perhaps exaggerated encomiums； I can truly
say that my abode in the city was mainly agreeable； and my
intercourse with the inhabitants productive of much amusement and
instruction。
Being naturally of a serious turn； my attention was directed to
the solid advantages derivable from a residence here； rather than
to the effervescent pleasures which are the grand object with too
many visitants。 The Christian reader； if he have had no accounts
of the city later than Bunyan's time； will be surprised to hear
that almost every street has its church； and that the reverend
clergy are nowhere held in higher respect than at Vanity Fair。
And well do they deserve such honorable estimation； for the
maxims of wisdom and virtue which fall from their lips come from
as deep a spiritual source； and tend to as lofty a religious aim；
as those of the sagest philosophers of old。 In justification of
this high praise I need only mention the names of the Rev。 Mr。
Shallow…deep； the Rev。 Mr。 Stumble…at…truth； that fine old
clerical character the Rev。 Mr。 This…today； who expects shortly
to resign his pulpit to the Rev。 Mr。 That…tomorrow； together with
the Rev。 Mr。 Bewilderment； the Rev。 Mr。 Clog…the…spirit； and；
last and greatest； the Rev。 Dr。 Wind…of…doctrine。 The labors of
these eminent divines are aided by those of innumerable
lecturers； who diffuse such a various profundity； in all subjects
of human or celestial science； that any man may acquire an
omnigenous erudition without the trouble of even learning to
read。 Thus literature is etherealized by assuming for its medium
the human voice； and knowledge； depositing all its heavier
particles； except； doubtless； its gold becomes exhaled into a
sound； which forthwith steals into the ever…open ear of the
community。 These ingenious methods constitute a sort of
machinery； by which thought and study are done to every person's
hand without his putting himself to the slightest inconvenience
in the matter。 There is another species of machine for the
wholesale manufacture of individual morality。 This excellent
result is effected by societies for all manner of virtuous
purposes； with which a man has merely to connect himself；
throwing； as it were； his quota of virtue into the common stock；
and the president and directors will take care that the aggregate
amount be well applied。 All these； and other wonderful
improvements in ethics； religion； and literature； being made
plain to my comprehension by the ingenious Mr。 Smooth…it…away；
inspired me with a vast admiration of Vanity Fair。
It would fill a volume； in an age of pamphlets； were I to record
all my observations in this great capital of human business and
pleasure。 There was an unlimited range of societythe powerful；
the wise； the witty； and the famous in every walk of life；
princes； presidents； poets； generals； artists； actors； and
philanthropists；all making their own market at the fair； and
deeming no price too exorbitant for such commodities as hit their
fancy。 It was well worth one's while； even if he had no idea of
buying or selling； to loiter through the bazaars and observe the
various sorts of traffic that were going forward。
Some of the purchasers； I thought； made very foolish bargains。
For instance； a young man having inherited a splendid fortune；
laid out a considerable portion of it in the purchase of
diseases； and finally spent all the rest for a heavy lot of
repentance and a suit of rags。 A very pretty girl bartered a
heart as clear as crystal； and which seemed her most valuable
possession； for another jewel of the same kind； but so worn and
defaced as to be utterly worthless。 In one shop there were a
great many crowns of laurel and myrtle； which soldiers； authors；
statesmen； and various other people pressed eagerly to buy； some
purchased these paltry wreaths with their lives； others by a
toilsome servitude of years； and many sacrificed whatever was
most valuable； yet finally slunk away without the crown。 There
was a sort of stock or scrip； called Conscience； which seemed to
be in great demand； and would purchase almost anything。 Indeed；
few rich commodities were to be obtained without paying a heavy
sum in this particular stock； and a man's business was seldom
very lucrative unless he knew precisely when and how to throw his
hoard of conscience into the market。 Yet as this stock was the
only thing of permanent value； whoever parted with it was sure to
find himself a loser in the long run。 Several of the speculations
were of a questionable character。 Occasionally a member of
Congress recruited his pocket by the sale of his constituents；
and I was assured