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True Love。〃You couldn't succeed because you were superlatively
desirable and precious already； but you should never have
experimented。 Don't you know that Love is a high explosive？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Is it？ Then it ought always to be labelled
〃dangerous；〃 oughtn't it？ But who thought of suggesting matches？
I'm sure I didn't！〃
True Love。〃No such luck； I wish you would。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃According to your theory； if you apply a
match to Love it is likely to 'go off。'〃
True Love。〃I wish you would try it on mine and await the result。
Come now； you'll have to marry somebody； sometime。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃I confess I don't see the necessity。〃
True Love （morosely）。〃You're the sort of woman men won't leave in
undisturbed spinsterhood； they'll keep on badgering you。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Oh； I don't mind the badgering of a number of
men； it's rather nice。 It's the one badger I find obnoxious。〃
True Love （impatiently）。〃That's just the perversity of things。 I
could put a stop to the protestations of the many； I should like
nothing betterbut the pertinacity of the one！ Ah； well！ I can't
drop that without putting an end to my existence。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （politely）。〃I shouldn't think of suggesting
anything so extreme。〃
True Love （quoting）。〃'Mrs。 Hauksbee proceeded to take the conceit
out of Pluffles as you remove the ribs of an umbrella before re…
covering。' However； you couldn't ask me anything seriously that I
wouldn't do； dear Mistress Perversity。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （yielding a point）。〃I'll put that boldly to
the proof。 Say you don't love me！〃
True Love （seizing his advantage）。〃I don't！ It's imbecile and
besotted devotion！ Tell me； when may I come to take you away？〃
Bailiff's Daughter （sighing）。〃It's like asking me to leave
Heaven。〃
True Love。〃I know it； she told me where to find you；Thornycroft
is the seventh poultry…farm I've visited；but you could never
leave Heaven； you can't be happy without poultry； why that is a
wish easily gratified。 I'll get you a farm to…morrow； no； it's
Saturday； and the real estate offices close at noon； but on Monday；
without fail。 Your ducks and geese； always carrying it along with
you。 All you would have to do is to admit me； Heaven is full of
twos。 If you shall swim on a crystal lakePhoebe told me what a
genius you have for getting them out of the muddy pond； she was
sitting beside it when I called； her hand in that of a straw…
coloured person named Gladwish； and the ground in her vicinity
completely strewn with votive offerings。 You shall splash your
silver sea with an ivory wand； your hens shall have suburban
cottages； each with its garden； their perches shall be of satin…
wood and their water dishes of mother…of…pearl。 You shall be the
Goose Girl and I will be the Swan Herdsimply to be near youfor
I hate live poultry。 Dost like the picture？ It's a little like
Claude Melnotte's； I confess。 The fact is I am not quite sane；
talking with you after a fortnight of the tabbies at the Hydro is
like quaffing inebriating vodka after Miffin's Food！ May I come
to…morrow？〃
Bailiffs Daughter （hedging）。〃I shall be rather busy； the Crossed
Minorca hen comes off to…morrow。〃
True Love。〃Oh； never mind！ I'll take her off to…night when I
escort you to the farm； then she'll get a day's advantage。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃And rob fourteen prospective chicks of a
mother； nay； lose the chicks themselves？ Never！〃
True Love。〃So long as you are a Goose Girl； does it make any
difference whose you are？ Is it any more agreeable to be Mrs。
Heaven's Goose Girl than mine？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Ah！ but in one case the term of service is
limited； in the other； permanent。〃
True Love。〃But in the one case you are the slave of the employer；
in the other the employer of the slave。 Why did you run away？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃A man's mind is too dull an instrument to
measure a woman's reason； even my own fails sometimes to deal with
all its delicate shades； but I think I must have run away chiefly
to taste the pleasure of being pursued and brought back。 If it is
necessary to your happiness that you should explore all the
Bluebeard chambers of my being； I will confess further that it has
taken you nearly three weeks to accomplish what I supposed you
would do in three days！〃
True Love （after a well…spent interval）。〃To…morrow； then； shall
we say before breakfast？ All； do！ Why not？ Well； then；
immediately after breakfast； and I breakfast at seven nowadays； and
sometimes earlier。 Do take off those ugly cotton gloves； dear；
they are five sizes too large for you； and so rough and baggy to
the touch！〃
End