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three hens and a cock。 Phoebe joined me in the diagnosis and we
treated the victims with a carbolic lotion and scrubbed them with
vaseline。
As Phoebe and I grow wise in medical lore the case of Cannibal Ann
assumes a different aspect。 As the bibulous man quaffs more and
more flagons of beer and wine when his daily food is ham； salt
fish； and cabbage； so does the hen avenge her wrongs of diet and
woes of environment。 Cannibal Ann； herself； has； so far as we
know； been raised in a Christian manner and enjoyed all the
advantages of modern methods； but her maternal parent may have
lived in some heathen poultry…yard which was asphalted or bricked
or flagged； so that she was debarred from scratching in Mother
Earth and was forced to eat her own shells in self…defence。
* * *
The Square Baby is not particularly attracted by the poultry as a
whole； save when it is boiled with bacon or roasted with bread…
sauce； but he is much interested in the 〃invaleeds。〃 Whenever
Phoebe and I start for the hospital with the tobacco…pills； the tin
of paraffin； and the bottle of oil； he is very much in evidence。
Perhaps he has a natural leaning toward the medical profession； at
any rate； when pain and anguish wring the brow； he is in close
attendance upon the ministering angels。
Now it is necessary for the physician to have practice as well as
theory； so the Square Baby； being left to himself this afternoon；
proceeded to perfect himself in some of the healing arts used by
country practitioners。
When discovered； he was seated in front of the wire…covered 〃run〃
attached to a coop occupied by the youngest goslings。 A couple of
bottles and a box stood by his side； and I should think he had
administered a cup of sweet oil； a pint of paraffin； and a quarter
of a pound of tobacco during his clinic。 He had used the remedies
impartially； sometimes giving the paraffin internally and rubbing
the patient's head with tobacco or oil； sometimes the reverse。
Several goslings leaned languidly against the netting； or supported
themselves by the edge of the water…dish； while others staggered
and reeled about with eyes half closed。
It was Mrs。 Heaven who caught her son red…handed； so to speak。 She
was dressed in her best； and just driving off to Woodmucket to
spend a day or two with her married daughter； and soothe her nerves
with the uproar incident to a town of six hundred inhabitants。 She
delayed her journey a half…hourlong enough； in fact； to change
her black silk waist for a loose sacque which would give her arms
full and comfortable play。 The joy and astonishment that greeted
the Square Baby on his advent； five years ago； was forgotten for
the first time in his brief life； and he was treated precisely as
any ordinary wrongdoer would have been treated under the same
circumstances； summarily and smartly； the 〃wepping；〃 as Phoebe
would say； being Mrs。 Heaven's hand。
All but one of the goslings lived； like thousands of others who
recover in spite of the doctors； but the Square Baby's interest in
the healing art is now perceptibly lessened。
CHAPTER XIV
July 18th。
The day was Friday； Phoebe's day to go to Buffington with eggs and
chickens and rabbits； her day to solicit orders for ducklings and
goslings。 The village cart was ready in the stable； Mr。 and Mrs。
Heaven were in Woodmucket； I was eating my breakfast （which I
remember was an egg and a rasher） when Phoebe came in； a figure of
woe。
The Square Baby was ill； very ill； and would not permit her to
leave him and go to market。 Would I look at him？ For he must have
dowsed 'imself as well as the goslings yesterday； anyways he was
strong of paraffin and tobacco； though he 'ad 'ad a good barth。
I prescribed for Albert Edward； who was as uncomfortable and
feverish as any little sinner in the county of Sussex； and I then
promptly proposed going to Buffington in Phoebe's place。
She did not think it at all proper； and said that； notwithstanding
my cotton gown and sailor hat； I looked quite； quite the lydy； and
it would never do。
〃I cannot get any new orders；〃 said I； 〃but I can certainly leave
the rabbits and eggs at the customary places。 I know Argent's
Dining Parlours； and Songhurst's Tea Rooms； and the Six Bells Inn；
as well as you do。〃
So； donning a pair of Phoebe's large white cotton gloves with open…
work wrists （than which I always fancy there is no one article that
so disguises the perfect lydy）； I set out upon my travels； upborne
by a lively sense of amusement that was at least equal to my
feeling that I was doing Phoebe Heaven a good turn。
Prices in dressed poultry were fluctuating； but I had a copy of The
Trade Review； issued that very day； and was able to get some idea
of values and the state of the market as I jogged along。 The
general movement； I learned； was moderate and of a 〃selective〃
character。 Choice large capons and ducks were in steady demand；
but I blushed for my profession when I read that roasting chickens
were running coarse； staggy； and of irregular value。 Old hens were
held firmly at sixpence； and it is my experience that they always
have to be； at whatever price。 Geese were plenty； dull； and weak。
Old cocks；why don't they say roosters？declined to threepence
ha'penny on Thursday in sympathy with fowls；and who shall say
that chivalry is dead？ Turkeys were a trifle steadier； and there
was a speculative movement in limed eggs。 All this was
illuminating； and I only wished I were quite certain whether the
sympathetic old roosters were threepence ha'penny apiece； or a
pound。
Everything happened as it should； on this first business journey of
my life； which is equivalent to saying that nothing happened at
all。 Songhurst's Tea Rooms took five dozen eggs and told me to
bring six dozen the next week。 Argent's Dining Parlours purchased
three pairs of chickens and four rabbits。 The Six Bells found the
last poultry somewhat tough and tasteless； whereupon I said that
our orders were more than we could possibly fill； still I hoped we
could go on 〃selling them；〃 as we never liked to part with old
customers； no matter how many new ones there were。 Privately； I
understood the complaint only too well； for I knew the fowls in
question very intimately。 Two of them were the runaway rooster and
the gadabout hen that never wanted to go to bed with the others。
The third was Cannibal Ann。 I should have expected them to be
tough； but I cannot believe they were lacking in flavour。
The only troublesome feature of the trip was that Mrs。 Sowerbutt's
lodgers had suddenly left for London and she was unable to take the
four rabbits as she had hoped； but as an offset to that piece of
ill…fortune the Coke and Coal Yard and the Bicycle Repairing Rooms
came out into the street； and； stepping up to the trap； requested
regular weekly deliveries of eggs and chickens； and hoped that I
would be able to bring them myself。 And so； in a happy frame of
mind； I turned out of the Buffington main street； and was jogging
along homeward； when a very startling thing happened； namely； a
whole verse of the Bailiff's Daughter of Islington：…
〃And as she went along the h