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Ethelberta felt sick at heart； and stopped。 She had come down on
the wings of an impulse to unfold her trouble about Picotee to her
hard…headed and much older sister； less for advice than to get some
heart…ease by interchange of words； but alas； she could proceed no
further。 The wretched homeliness of Gwendoline's mind seemed at
this particular juncture to be absolutely intolerable； and
Ethelberta was suddenly convinced that to involve Gwendoline in any
such discussion would simply be increasing her own burden； and
adding worse confusion to her sister's already confused existence。
'What were you going to say？' said the honest and unsuspecting
Gwendoline。
'I will put it off until to…morrow；' Ethelberta murmured gloomily；
'I have a bad headache； and I am afraid I cannot stay with you after
all。'
As she ascended the stairs； Ethelberta ached with an added pain not
much less than the primary one which had brought her down。 It was
that old sense of disloyalty to her class and kin by feeling as she
felt now which caused the pain； and there was no escaping it。
Gwendoline would have gone to the ends of the earth for her： she
could not confide a thought to Gwendoline！
'If she only knew of that unworthy feeling of mine； how she would
grieve；' said Ethelberta miserably。
She next went up to the servants' bedrooms； and to where Cornelia
slept。 On Ethelberta's entrance Cornelia looked up from a perfect
wonder of a bonnet； which she held in her hands。 At sight of
Ethelberta the look of keen interest in her work changed to one of
gaiety。
'I am so gladI was just coming down；' Cornelia said in a whisper；
whenever they spoke as relations in this house it was in whispers。
'Now； how do you think this bonnet will do？ May I come down； and
see how I look in your big glass？' She clapped the bonnet upon her
head。 'Won't it do beautiful for Sunday afternoon？'
'It looks very attractive； as far as I can see by this light；' said
Ethelberta。 'But is it not rather too brilliant in colourblue and
red together； like that？ Remember； as I often tell you； people in
town never wear such bright contrasts as they do in the country。'
'O Berta！' said Cornelia； in a deprecating tone； 'don't object。 If
there's one thing I do glory in it is a nice flare…up about my head
o' Sundaysof course if the family's not in mourning； I mean。'
But； seeing that Ethelberta did not smile； she turned the subject；
and added docilely： 'Did you come up for me to do anything？ I will
put off finishing my bonnet if I am wanted。'
'I was going to talk to you about family matters； and Picotee；' said
Ethelberta。 'But； as you are busy； and I have a headache； I will
put it off till to…morrow。'
Cornelia seemed decidedly relieved； for family matters were far from
attractive at the best of times； and Ethelberta went down to the
next floor； and entered her mother's room。
After a short conversation Mrs。 Chickerel said； 'You say you want to
ask me something？'
'Yes： but nothing of importance； mother。 I was thinking about
Picotee； and what would be the best thing to do'
'Ah； well you may； Berta。 I am so uneasy about this life you have
led us into； and full of fear that your plans may break down； if
they do； whatever will become of us？ I know you are doing your
best； but I cannot help thinking that the coming to London and
living with you was wild and rash； and not well weighed afore we set
about it。 You should have counted the cost first； and not advised
it。 If you break down； and we are all discovered living so queer
and unnatural； right in the heart of the aristocracy； we should be
the laughing…stock of the country： it would kill me； and ruin us
allutterly ruin us！'
'O mother； I know all that so well！' exclaimed Ethelberta； tears of
anguish filling her eyes。 'Don't depress me more than I depress
myself by such fears； or you will bring about the very thing we
strive to avoid！ My only chance is in keeping in good spirits； and
why don't you try to help me a little by taking a brighter view of
things？'
'I know I ought to； my dear girl； but I cannot。 I do so wish that I
never let you tempt me and the children away from the Lodge。 I
cannot think why I allowed myself to be so persuadedcannot think！
You are not to blameit is I。 I am much older than you； and ought
to have known better than listen to such a scheme。 This undertaking
seems too bigthe bills frighten me。 I have never been used to
such wild adventure； and I can't sleep at night for fear that your
tale…telling will go wrong； and we shall all be exposed and shamed。
A story…teller seems such an impossible castle…in…the…air sort of a
trade for getting a living byI cannot think how ever you came to
dream of such an unheard…of thing。'
'But it is NOT a castle in the air； and it DOES get a living！' said
Ethelberta； her lip quivering。
'Well； yes； while it is just a new thing； but I am afraid it cannot
lastthat's what I fear。 People will find you out as one of a
family of servants； and their pride will be stung at having gone to
hear your romancing； then they will go no more； and what will happen
to us and the poor little ones？'
'We must all scatter again！'
'If we could get as we were once； I wouldn't mind that。 But we
shall have lost our character as simple country folk who know
nothing； which are the only class of poor people that squires will
give any help to； and I much doubt if the girls would get places
after such a discoveryit would be so awkward and unheard…of。'
'Well； all I can say is；' replied Ethelberta； 'that I will do my
best。 All that I have is theirs and yours as much as mine； and
these arrangements are simply on their account。 I don't like my
relations being my servants； but if they did not work for me； they
would have to work for others； and my service is much lighter and
pleasanter than any other lady's would be for them； so the
advantages are worth the risk。 If I stood alone； I would go and
hide my head in any hole； and care no more about the world and its
ways。 I wish I was well out of it； and at the bottom of a quiet
graveanybody might have the world for me then！ But don't let me
disturb you longer； it is getting late。'
Ethelberta then wished her mother good…night； and went away。 To
attempt confidences on such an ethereal matter as love was now
absurd； her hermit spirit was doomed to dwell apart as usual； and
she applied herself to deep thinking without aid and alone。 Not
only was there Picotee's misery to disperse； it became imperative to
consider how best to overpass a more general catastrophe。
24。 ETHELBERTA'S HOUSE （continued） … THE BRITISH MUSEUM
Mrs。 Chickerel； in deploring the risks of their present speculative
mode of life； was far from imagining that signs of the foul future
so much dreaded were actually apparent to Ethelberta at the time the
lament was spoken。 Hence the daughter's uncommon sensitiveness to
prophecy。 It was as if a dead…reckoner poring over his chart should
predict breakers ahead to one who already beheld them。
That her story…telling would prove so attractive Ethelberta had not
ventured to expect for a moment； that