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stinging eyes。
Roy turned away and stood for a few minutes looking out seaward。
When he came back to Anne; he was very pale again。
〃You can give me no hope?〃 he said。
Anne shook her head mutely。
〃Then good…bye;〃 said Roy。 〃I can't understand it I
can't believe you are not the woman I've believed you to be。
But reproaches are idle between us。 You are the only woman
I can ever love。 I thank you for your friendship; at least。
Good…bye; Anne。〃
〃Good…bye;〃 faltered Anne。 When Roy had gone she sat for a long
time in the pavilion; watching a white mist creeping subtly and
remorselessly landward up the harbor。 It was her hour of humiliation
and self…contempt and shame。 Their waves went over her。 And yet;
underneath it all; was a queer sense of recovered freedom。
She slipped into Patty's Place in the dusk and escaped to her room。
But Phil was there on the window seat。
〃Wait;〃 said Anne; flushing to anticipate the scene。 〃Wait til
you hear what I have to say。 Phil; Roy asked me to marry him…and
I refused。〃
〃You you REFUSED him?〃 said Phil blankly。
〃Yes。〃
〃Anne Shirley; are you in your senses?〃
〃I think so;〃 said Anne wearily。 〃Oh; Phil; don't scold me。
You don't understand。〃
〃I certainly don't understand。 You've encouraged Roy Gardner in
every way for two years and now you tell me you've refused him。
Then you've just been flirting scandalously with him。 Anne; I
couldn't have believed it of YOU。〃
〃I WASN'T flirting with him I honestly thought I cared up to the
last minute and then well; I just knew I NEVER could marry him。〃
〃I suppose;〃 said Phil cruelly; 〃that you intended to marry him
for his money; and then your better self rose up and prevented you。〃
〃I DIDN'T。 I never thought about his money。 Oh; I can't explain
it to you any more than I could to him。〃
〃Well; I certainly think you have treated Roy shamefully;〃 said Phil
in exasperation。 〃He's handsome and clever and rich and good。
What more do you want?〃
〃I want some one who BELONGS in my life。 He doesn't。 I was
swept off my feet at first by his good looks and knack of paying
romantic compliments; and later on I thought I MUST be in love
because he was my dark…eyed ideal。〃
〃I am bad enough for not knowing my own mind; but you are worse;〃
said Phil。
〃_I_ DO know my own mind;〃 protested Anne。 〃The trouble is; my mind
changes and then I have to get acquainted with it all over again。〃
〃Well; I suppose there is no use in saying anything to you。〃
〃There is no need; Phil。 I'm in the dust。 This has spoiled
everything backwards。 I can never think of Redmond days without
recalling the humiliation of this evening。 Roy despises me
and you despise me and I despise myself。〃
〃You poor darling;〃 said Phil; melting。 〃Just come here and let
me comfort you。 I've no right to scold you。 I'd have married
Alec or Alonzo if I hadn't met Jo。 Oh; Anne; things are so
mixed…up in real life。 They aren't clear…cut and trimmed off;
as they are in novels。〃
〃I hope that NO one will ever again ask me to marry him as long as
I live;〃 sobbed poor Anne; devoutly believing that she meant it。
Chapter XXXIX
Deals with Weddings
Anne felt that life partook of the nature of an anticlimax during
the first few weeks after her return to Green Gables。 She missed
the merry comradeship of Patty's Place。 She had dreamed some
brilliant dreams during the past winter and now they lay in the
dust around her。 In her present mood of self…disgust; she could
not immediately begin dreaming again。 And she discovered that;
while solitude with dreams is glorious; solitude without them
has few charms。
She had not seen Roy again after their painful parting in the
park pavilion; but Dorothy came to see her before she left Kingsport。
〃I'm awfully sorry you won't marry Roy;〃 she said。 〃I did want you
for a sister。 But you are quite right。 He would bore you to death。
I love him; and he is a dear sweet boy; but really he isn't a bit
interesting。 He looks as if he ought to be; but he isn't。〃
〃This won't spoil OUR friendship; will it; Dorothy?〃 Anne had
asked wistfully。
〃No; indeed。 You're too good to lose。 If I can't have you for a
sister I mean to keep you as a chum anyway。 And don't fret over
Roy。 He is feeling terribly just now I have to listen to his
outpourings every day but he'll get over it。 He always does。〃
〃Oh ALWAYS?〃 said Anne with a slight change of voice。
〃So he has ‘got over it' before?〃
〃Dear me; yes;〃 said Dorothy frankly。 〃Twice before。 And he
raved to me just the same both times。 Not that the others
actually refused him they simply announced their engagements
to some one else。 Of course; when he met you he vowed to me that
he had never really loved before that the previous affairs had
been merely boyish fancies。 But I don't think you need worry。〃
Anne decided not to worry。 Her feelings were a mixture of relief
and resentment。 Roy had certainly told her she was the only one
he had ever loved。 No doubt he believed it。 But it was a comfort
to feel that she had not; in all likelihood; ruined his life。
There were other goddesses; and Roy; according to Dorothy; must
needs be worshipping at some shrine。 Nevertheless; life was
stripped of several more illusions; and Anne began to think
drearily that it seemed rather bare。
She came down from the porch gable on the evening of her return
with a sorrowful face。
〃What has happened to the old Snow Queen; Marilla?〃
〃Oh; I knew you'd feel bad over that;〃 said Marilla。 〃I felt bad myself。
That tree was there ever since I was a young girl。 It blew down in the
big gale we had in March。 It was rotten at the core。〃
〃I'll miss it so;〃 grieved Anne。 〃The porch gable doesn't seem
the same room without it。 I'll never look from its window again
without a sense of loss。 And oh; I never came home to Green Gables
before that Diana wasn't here to welcome me。〃
〃Diana has something else to think of just now;〃 said Mrs。 Lynde
significantly。
〃Well; tell me all the Avonlea news;〃 said Anne; sitting down on
the porch steps; where the evening sunshine fell over her hair
in a fine golden rain。
〃There isn't much news except what we've wrote you;〃 said Mrs。 Lynde。
〃I suppose you haven't heard that Simon Fletcher broke his leg last week。
It's a great thing for his family。 They're getting a hundred things done
that they've always wanted to do but couldn't as long as he was about;
the old crank。〃
〃He came of an aggravating family;〃 remarked Marilla。
〃Aggravating? Well; rather! His mother used to get up in
prayer…meeting and tell all her children's shortcomings and ask
prayers for them。 ‘Course it made them mad; and worse than ever。〃
〃You haven't told Anne the news about Jane;〃 suggested Marilla。
〃Oh; Jane;〃 sni