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〃Not not in that way。 I do care a great deal for you as a friend。
But I don't love you； Gilbert。〃
〃But can't you give me some hope that you will yet？〃
〃No； I can't；〃 exclaimed Anne desperately。 〃I never； never can
love you in that way Gilbert。 You must never speak of this
to me again。〃
There was another pause so long and so dreadful that Anne was
driven at last to look up。 Gilbert's face was white to the lips。
And his eyes but Anne shuddered and looked away。 There was
nothing romantic about this。 Must proposals be either grotesque
or horrible？ Could she ever forget Gilbert's face？
〃Is there anybody else？〃 he asked at last in a low voice。
〃No no；〃 said Anne eagerly。 〃I don't care for any one like
THAT and I LIKE you better than anybody else in the world；
Gilbert。 And we must we must go on being friends； Gilbert。〃
Gilbert gave a bitter little laugh。
〃Friends！ Your friendship can't satisfy me； Anne。 I want your love
and you tell me I can never have that。〃
〃I'm sorry。 Forgive me； Gilbert；〃 was all Anne could say。
Where； oh； where were all the gracious and graceful speeches
wherewith； in imagination； she had been wont to dismiss
rejected suitors？
Gilbert released her hand gently。
〃There isn't anything to forgive。 There have been times when I thought
you did care。 I've deceived myself； that's all。 Goodbye； Anne。〃
Anne got herself to her room； sat down on her window seat behind
the pines； and cried bitterly。 She felt as if something incalculably
precious had gone out of her life。 It was Gilbert's friendship；
of course。 Oh； why must she lose it after this fashion？
〃What is the matter； honey？〃 asked Phil； coming in through
the moonlit gloom。
Anne did not answer。 At that moment she wished Phil were a
thousand miles away。
〃I suppose you've gone and refused Gilbert Blythe。 You are an idiot；
Anne Shirley！〃
〃Do you call it idiotic to refuse to marry a man I don't love？〃
said Anne coldly； goaded to reply。
〃You don't know love when you see it。 You've tricked something
out with your imagination that you think love； and you expect the
real thing to look like that。 There； that's the first sensible
thing I've ever said in my life。 I wonder how I managed it？〃
〃Phil；〃 pleaded Anne； 〃please go away and leave me alone for
a little while。 My world has tumbled into pieces。 I want to
reconstruct it。〃
〃Without any Gilbert in it？〃 said Phil； going。
A world without any Gilbert in it！ Anne repeated the words drearily。
Would it not be a very lonely； forlorn place？ Well； it was all
Gilbert's fault。 He had spoiled their beautiful comradeship。
She must just learn to live without it。
Chapter XXI
Roses of Yesterday
The fortnight Anne spent in Bolingbroke was a very pleasant one；
with a little under current of vague pain and dissatisfaction
running through it whenever she thought about Gilbert。 There was
not； however； much time to think about him。 〃Mount Holly；〃 the
beautiful old Gordon homestead； was a very gay place； overrun by
Phil's friends of both sexes。 There was quite a bewildering
succession of drives； dances； picnics and boating parties； all
expressively lumped together by Phil under the head of 〃jamborees〃；
Alec and Alonzo were so constantly on hand that Anne wondered if
they ever did anything but dance attendance on that will…o'…the…wisp
of a Phil。 They were both nice； manly fellows； but Anne would not
be drawn into any opinion as to which was the nicer。
〃And I depended so on you to help me make up my mind which of them I
should promise to marry；〃 mourned Phil。
〃You must do that for yourself。 You are quite expert at making
up your mind as to whom other people should marry；〃 retorted Anne；
rather caustically。
〃Oh； that's a very different thing；〃 said Phil； truly。
But the sweetest incident of Anne's sojourn in Bolingbroke was the
visit to her birthplace the little shabby yellow house in an
out…of…the…way street she had so often dreamed about。 She looked
at it with delighted eyes； as she and Phil turned in at the gate。
〃It's almost exactly as I've pictured it；〃 she said。 〃There is
no honeysuckle over the windows； but there is a lilac tree by the
gate； and yes； there are the muslin curtains in the windows。
How glad I am it is still painted yellow。〃
A very tall； very thin woman opened the door。
〃Yes； the Shirleys lived here twenty years ago；〃 she said； in
answer to Anne's question。 〃They had it rented。 I remember 'em。
They both died of fever at onct。 It was turrible sad。 They left
a baby。 I guess it's dead long ago。 It was a sickly thing。 Old
Thomas and his wife took it as if they hadn't enough of their own。〃
〃It didn't die；〃 said Anne； smiling。 〃I was that baby。〃
〃You don't say so！ Why； you have grown；〃 exclaimed the woman；
as if she were much surprised that Anne was not still a baby。
〃Come to look at you； I see the resemblance。 You're complected
like your pa。 He had red hair。 But you favor your ma in your
eyes and mouth。 She was a nice little thing。 My darter went to
school to her and was nigh crazy about her。 They was buried in
the one grave and the School Board put up a tombstone to them as
a reward for faithful service。 Will you come in？〃
〃Will you let me go all over the house？〃 asked Anne eagerly。
〃Laws； yes； you can if you like。 'Twon't take you long there
ain't much of it。 I keep at my man to build a new kitchen； but
he ain't one of your hustlers。 The parlor's in there and there's
two rooms upstairs。 Just prowl about yourselves。 I've got to
see to the baby。 The east room was the one you were born in。
I remember your ma saying she loved to see the sunrise； and I
mind hearing that you was born just as the sun was rising and
its light on your face was the first thing your ma saw。〃
Anne went up the narrow stairs and into that little east room
with a full heart。 It was as a shrine to her。 Here her mother
had dreamed the exquisite； happy dreams of anticipated motherhood；
here that red sunrise light had fallen over them both in the sacred
hour of birth； here her mother had died。 Anne looked about her
reverently； her eyes with tears。 It was for her one of the jeweled
hours of life that gleam out radiantly forever in memory。
〃Just to think of it mother was younger than I am now when I was born；〃
she whispered。
When Anne went downstairs the lady of the house met her in the hall。
She held out a dusty little packet tied with faded blue ribbon。
〃Here's a bundle of old letters I found in that closet upstairs
when I came here；〃 she said。 〃I dunno what they are I never
bothered to look in 'em； but the address on the top one is
‘Miss Bertha Willis；' and that was your ma's maiden name。
You can take 'em if you'd keer to have 'em。〃
〃Oh； thank you thank you；〃 cried Anne； clasping t