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adorn； Whom I foresee to better fortune born； Be kind to my remains； and
oh； defend； Against your judgment； your departed friend！ Let not th'
insulting foe my fame pursue； But shade those laurels which descend to
you： And take for tribute what these lines express： You merit more； nor
could my love do less。
JOHN DRYDEN。
PROLOGUESpoken by Mrs。 Bracegirdle。
Moors have this way （as story tells） to know Whether their brats are
truly got or no； Into the sea the new…born babe is thrown； There； as instinct
directs； to swim or drown。 A barbarous device； to try if spouse Has kept
religiously her nuptial vows。
Such are the trials poets make of plays； Only they trust to more
inconstant seas； So does our author； this his child commit To the
tempestuous mercy of the pit； To know if it be truly born of wit。
Critics avaunt； for you are fish of prey； And feed； like sharks； upon an
infant play。 Be ev'ry monster of the deep away； Let's have a fair trial and a
clear sea。
Let nature work； and do not damn too soon； For life will struggle long
e'er it sink down： And will at least rise thrice before it drown。 Let us
consider； had it been our fate； Thus hardly to be proved legitimate： I will
not say； we'd all in danger been； Were each to suffer for his mother's sin：
But by my troth I cannot avoid thinking； How nearly some good men
might have 'scaped sinking。 But； heav'n be praised； this custom is confined
Alone to th' offspring of the muses kind： Our Christian cuckolds are more
bent to pity； I know not one Moor…husband in the city。 I' th' good man's
arms the chopping bastard thrives； For he thinks all his own that is his
wives'。
Whatever fate is for this play designed； The poet's sure he shall some
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comfort find： For if his muse has played him false； the worst That can
befall him； is； to be divorced： You husbands judge； if that be to be cursed。
DRAMATIS PERSONAE。
MEN。
MASKWELL； a villain； pretended friend to Mellefont； gallant to
Lady Touchwood； and in love with Cynthia；Mr。 Betterton
LORD TOUCHWOOD； uncle to Mellefont；Mr。 Kynaston
MELLEFONT； promised to； and in love with Cynthia；Mr。 Williams
CARELESS； his friend；Mr。 Verbruggen
LORD FROTH； a solemn coxcomb；Mr。 Bowman
BRISK； a pert coxcomb；Mr。 Powell
SIR PAUL PLYANT； an uxorious； foolish old knight； brother to Lady
Touchwood； and father to Cynthia；Mr。 Dogget
WOMEN。
LADY TOUCHWOOD； in love with Mellefont；Mrs。 Barry
CYNTHIA； daughter to Sir Paul by a former wife； promised to
Mellefont；Mrs。 Bracegirdle
LADY FROTH； a great coquette； pretender to poetry； wit； and
learning；Mrs。 Mountfort
LADY PLYANT； insolent to her husband； and easy to any pretender；
Mrs。 Leigh
CHAPLAIN； BOY； FOOTMEN； AND ATTENDANTS。
THE SCENE： A gallery in the Lord Touchwood's house； with
chambers adjoining。
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THE DOUBLE…DEALERA COMEDY
ACT I。
SCENE I。
A gallery in the Lord Touchwood's home； with chambers adjoining。
Enter CARELESS； crossing the stage； with his hat； gloves； and sword
in his hands； as just risen from table： MELLEFONT following him。
MEL。 Ned； Ned； whither so fast？ What； turned flincher！ Why；
you wo' not leave us？
CARE。 Where are the women？ I'm weary of guzzling； and begin to
think them the better company。
MEL。 Then thy reason staggers； and thou'rt almost drunk。
CARE。 No； faith； but your fools grow noisy； and if a man must
endure the noise of words without sense； I think the women have more
musical voices； and become nonsense better。
MEL。 Why； they are at the end of the gallery； retired to their tea and
scandal； according to their ancient custom； after dinner。 But I made a
pretence to follow you； because I had something to say to you in private；
and I am not like to have many opportunities this evening。
CARE。 And here's this coxcomb most critically come to interrupt
you。
SCENE II。
＇To them＇ BRISK。
BRISK。 Boys； boys； lads； where are you？ What； do you give
ground？ Mortgage for a bottle； ha？ Careless； this is your trick； you're
always spoiling company by leaving it。
CARE。 And thou art always spoiling company by coming in o't。
BRISK。 Pooh； ha； ha； ha； I know you envy me。 Spite； proud spite；
by the gods！ and burning envy。 I'll be judged by Mellefont here； who
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gives and takes raillery better than you or I。 Pshaw； man； when I say you
spoil company by leaving it； I mean you leave nobody for the company to
laugh at。 I think there I was with you。 Ha； Mellefont？
MEL。 O' my word； Brisk； that was a home thrust； you have silenced
him。
BRISK。 Oh； my dear Mellefont； let me perish if thou art not the soul
of conversation； the very essence of wit and spirit of wine。 The deuce take
me if there were three good things said； or one understood； since thy
amputation from the body of our society。 He； I think that's pretty and
metaphorical enough； i'gad I could not have said it out of thy company。
Careless； ha？
CARE。 Hum； ay； what is't？
BRISK。 O MON COEUR！ What is't！ Nay； gad； I'll punish you
for want of apprehension。 The deuce take me if I tell you。
MEL。 No； no； hang him； he has no taste。 But； dear Brisk； excuse
me； I have a little business。
CARE。 Prithee get thee gone； thou seest we are serious。
MEL。 We'll come immediately； if you'll but go in and keep up good
humour and sense in the company。 Prithee do； they'll fall asleep else。
BRISK。 I'gad； so they will。 Well； I will； I will； gad； you shall
command me from the Zenith to the Nadir。 But the deuce take me if I
say a good thing till you come。 But prithee； dear rogue； make haste；
prithee