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OMNIBUS A test for Patience； still popular in England。 From Grk。
oneiros； dream； and baino； to go or move。 A dream of motion。
ONION The all…round strength champion of the Vegetable Kingdom；
garlic and cabbage being close rivals。
OPERA A drama that has taken on airs and refuses to speak； yet
always sings its own praises。 GRAND OPERA An excuse for
displaying several boxes of jewelry and peaches with pedigrees。
OPINION The prodigal son of Thought。 PUBLIC OPINION The world's
champion pugilist； who has knocked out Law in many a hard fought
bout。
OPIUM The real author of 〃The Dream Book。〃
OPTIMISM A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea…kettle to
sing though in hot water up to its nose。
ORCHARD The small boy's Eden of today； in which the apple again
occasions the fall。
OSTRICH The largest and heaviest bird on earth； yet rated by his
owners only as a featherweight。
OUTSKIRTS The only garments which clothe many a metropolis with
decency。
OVEN The only sport who enjoys an equally hot time with or without
the dough。
Handsome is what hansoms charge。
P
Soap； long deferred； maketh the dirt stick。
PAIN A sensation experienced on receiving a Punch； particularly
the London one。
PALMISTRY A plausible excuse for holding hands。
PANTS Trousers' Country Cousins。
PARACHUTE A successful method for getting the drop on the Earth。
PARAGON The model man a woman regrets she gave up for the one she
mistakenly married。
PARENTS One of the hardships of a minor's life。
PASS A form of transportation issued free to those who are quite
able to pay。
PASSENGER One who does not travel on a pass。 （Antonym for
Deadhead）。 From Eng。 pass； to go； and Grk。 endidomi； to give up。
One who has to give up to go。
PARROT An individual who can never be held responsible for what he
says。
PASTRY A deadly weapon carried by cafes； cooks and newly married
housekeepers。
PATRIOT One who is willing to take all of Uncle Sam's bonds in a
lump。
PAWN v。 t。； To keep property in the family by leaving it all with your Uncle。
PAWNBROKER A mercenary man to whom money is the one redeeming
quality。
PEACE A mythical condition of tranquillity frequently reported
from the Phillipines。
PEACH A popular synonym for Fair Woman； probably because the peach
is largely a skin and stony at heart。
PEARL A small round product manufactured by an oyster； bought by a
lobster and worn by a butterfly。
PENITENT From pen； meaning to write； and intent； meaning
determination。 One who determines for the right。
PESSIMIST One who paints things blue。 And sometimes red。
PHILISTINE In Bible times； one who worried the children of Israel；
today； one who worries only himself。 From Grk。 phloios； bark； and
tino； to punish。 One who barks to punish。
PHILANTHROPIST One who returns to the people publicly a small
percentage of the wealth he steals from them privately。
PHILOSOPHER One who instead of crying over spilt milk consoles
himself with the thought that it was over four…fifths water。
PHILOSOPHY Something that enables the rich to say there is no
disgrace in being poor。
PIANO A tool frequently used in building a Rough House。
PIN The best dresser in a woman's acquaintanceof remarkable
penetration and true as steel； seldom loses its head； follows its
own bent and carries its point in whatever it undertakes。
PING…PONG A game invented for the benefit of furniture and
crockery dealers。
PITY An emotion awakened in a man's mind when he beholds the
children of a woman who might have married him instead。
PLATONIC LOVE An arrangement in which a man and woman attempt a
correct imitation of a pair of iciclesand never succeed。
PLENTY A desirable condition that is likely to step out whenever
Extravagance steps in。
PLUM A fruit that ripens and falls from the Political Treebut
only after careful grafting。
PLUMB To ascertain the capacity of。
PLUMBER One who ascertains the capacity of your purse； soaks you
with a piece of lead and gets away with the moneya process
vulgarly known as 〃a lead…pipe cinch。〃
POLE…CAT A small animal to be killed with a pole； the longer the
pole the better。
POLICEMAN A never present help in time of trouble。
POLYGAMY A thoughtless way of increasing the family expenses。
POLYGLOT A parrot that can swear in several languages。
POSTSCRIPT The only thing readable in a woman's letter。
PRETZEL The bar…keeper's promoter。
PROTECTION Originally； the swaddling clothes of the infant；
Industry； now； merely the shoe…lacings for the giant； Monopoly。
PRO and CON Prefixes of opposite meaning。 For example； Progress
and Congress。
PRUDE A native of Boston。
PRUDENCE A quality of mind that restrains the wise boarder from
trying to find out how his landlady makes her hash。
PRUDERY A quality that displays a lack of modesty as a wig does a
loss of hair。
PRUNE A plum that has seen better days： the boarding…house veteran
and the landlady's pet； badly wrinkled； yet well preserved。
PUGILIST A close…fisted party who is often roped in but never
gives up till he's out。
PULLMAN PORTER A legalized train…robber。
PUNCH A weekly obituary notice from London； chronicling the death
of Humor。
Never make a mountain out of a mole…hillTry gold； silver； copper
or radiumthere's more in it。
Q
Charity begins at homebut ends when you reach The Cook。
QUACK The Duck family's favorite physician。
QUAIL v。 t。； To shrinka characteristic of the bird when ordered
in a restaurant。
QUEEN One entitled to rule a nation； make up a deck； or beat a
knave。
QUESTION Is marriage a failure？
QUEUE The only Mongolian line connecting America and China。
QUORUM A clumsy individual； all Ayes and Noes； who is seldom on
hand when needed。
Faint heart never won fair ladybut a full purse can always pull
the trick。
R
Man proposes； then woman imposes。
RABBIT A small rodent； very similar to a hare； which feeds on
grass and burrows in the earth。 WELSH RABBIT More like a string；
thrives on cheese and burrows in the stomach。
RACE…TRACK An interesting locality； where pools are bought and
sold in books and the heat never interferes with the search for the
Pole。
RADIUM A radiant radiator； redolent of ranging radial rays of
radio…activity； raised to radical rates and regarded as a ruthless
rake…off in the reign of riches within the arrayed radius of a
raging； raving and raided race。
RAG…TIME Music pulled into many piecesthe invention of a
flannel…mouth to which many have cottoned。
RAPID TRANSIT A municipal myth； circulated for the amusement of
the long sufferingand slow movingpublic。
REFORM In general； a periodic epidemic； starting with marked heat；
followed by a high fever； and accompanied by a flow of ink in the
newspapers； a discharge of words from the face and a rush of blood
to the polls； leaving the victim a chronic invalid until the next
campaign。 In New York； reform has been confined to a Low attempt
at government。
REFORMER One who； when he smells a rat； is eager to let the cat
out of the bag。
REGISTER The only a