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roar。
LAWYER One who defends your estate against an enemy； in order to
appropriate it to himself。
LECTURE An entertainment at which it costs but little to look
intelligent。
LEGISLATURE From Lat。 lego； to bring together； and latro； to bark
or bluster； possibly from lex； law； and latens； unknown。 Hence； a
company of men brought together to bluster； or a company of law
makers who know nothing about law。
LEISURE From Eng。； lazy； and sure； assured laziness。
LENT A Church fast that is slow to go； or something loaned which
is slow to come back。
LIE A very poor substitute for the truth but the only one
discovered up to date。
LIMBURGER A native of Germany strong enough to do housework； well
recommended for cleaning out the dining…room。
LIBRARY From Fr。 libre； meaning free； and proper name ANDY。
Something free from Andy Carnegie。
LINKS Found in sausages and golf courses； and both full of
hazards。
LION A cruel beast who never patronizes the barber and is always
bearded in his den； yet will furnish a close shave if you get near
enough。
LOBSTER The edible lobster is found off the New England Coast。
The two…legged species is found everywhere。 All kinds are green；
but when roasted turn a bright red。 Soubrettes are very dependent
on both varieties for a living； together they furnish her with
food； raiment； flats； diamonds； and occasionally indigestion。
LOBSTER…NEWBURG A dish ordered at hotels by those who usually get
beans at home。
LOVE A man's insane desire to become a woman's meal…ticket。
LOVER An ardent admirer who says； 〃Yes； dearest； I will shovel the
snow of the lake so that we can go skating！〃 and； after marriage
remarks； 〃What！ Shovel the snow off the walk for you？ Well； I
should say not！ I'm no chore boy。〃
Hell is paved with good intentionsalso asbestos。
M
A fool and his wife are soon parted。 See Alimony。
MAGAZINE A receptacle for explosives； literary or mechanical。
MAGNATE One who can float capital in a considerable body of water。
From Lat。 magnus； great； and nator； to swim； a great swimmer。
MAIDEN LADY A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to
avoid hurting her feelings。
MALT A humble grain which often gets into a ferment； cools off and
becomes Stout in its old age。
MAN Something that 〃Goes first on four feet； then two feet； then
three； but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be！〃
MAN…ABOUT…TOWN One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter。
MANICURE The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails。
MANNERS A difficult symphony in the key of B natural。
MARK In Germany； twenty…three cents。 In the United States； only
Twain。
MASCULINE From Grk。 maskos； girl； and eukolos； easy。 Easy for the
girls。
MASSAGE A touch； with intent to rub it in。
MATRIMONY A game for women； in which the unmarried half are trying
to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out
by one。 Both halves are eminently successful。
MEAL According to the Liquor Law； a minute bunch of crumbs
entirely surrounded by booze。
MEDIUM A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your
wallet。 〃Hello； Central！ Give me Heaven！〃
MELODEON An alleged musical instrument； popular at home； but
unpopular next door。 From Eng。 melody； and Latin； un； without。
Warranted without melody。
MENAGERIE From Fr。 melange； mixture； and Ger。 riechen； to smell。
A mixture of smells。
MESSENGER BOY From Eng。 miss； to fail； and Lat。 engeo； to arrive。
One who fails to arrive。
METER The gas man's trysting place。 〃Meet her in the cellar！〃
MIND No matter。 MATTER Never mind。
MINE A hole in the ground owned by a liar。
MINSTREL A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every
city。
MIRACLE A woman who won't talk。
MIST Generally； a small； light rain。 SCOTCH MIST A cloudburst。
MITTEN Something a tender…hearted girl gives a young man when she
knows she is going to make it chilly for him。
MONEY Society's vindication of vulgarity。
MONOPOLY A modern device for impoverishing others。 From Grk。
monux； swift…footed； and polloi； the people。 A swift kick for the
people。
MOON The only lighting monopoly that never made money。
MORTGAGE From Fr。 mort； death； and Eng。 gag； to choke。 A lawyer's
invention for choking property to death。
MOSQUITO A small insect designed by God to make us think better of
flies。
MOTH An unfortunate acquaintance who is always in the hole。 And
the only ones who try to get him out are his enemies。
MOUSE The frequent cause of a rise in cotton。
All gone to 6's and 7'sLadies' Footwear in Chicago。
N
Time and tide wait for no manBut time always stands still for a
woman of thirty。
NATURE The author of 〃The Seasons；〃 an interesting work over which
Spring pours； Summer smiles； and Autumn turns the leaves while
Winter catches the drift of it all。
NECK A close connection between chin and chest； used for the
display of linen； silk； furs； jewelry and skin； fitted with gullet；
windpipe； hunger and thirst； and devoted to the rubber industry。
NEGRO One who votes your way。 NIGGER One who doesn't。
NEIGHBOR One who knows more about your affairs than yourself。
NERVE Breaking the hair…brush on the disobedient scion； then
making him pay for a new one。 See revised version； 〃Spare the rod
and spoil the hair…brush！〃
〃NEXT〃 The barberous password to the heaven of the shaved and the
unshaved。
NIP Something bracing from without or within。 When felt in the
air； it's a frost。 When found in a glass； a life saver。
NOBILITY A gang of foreign brigands having abducent designs on the
American Damsel and the American Dollar。
NON…CONDUCTOR The motorman。
NOSE A prominent member of the face family； usually a Greek or
Roman； who owns the shortest bridge in the world。 He is often
stuck up in company； but frequently blows himself when he has his
grippe。 Principal occupations； sniffling； snivelling； sneezing；
snorting and scenting； intruding in the neighbors' affairs；
stuffing himself without permission and bleeding for others。
NOTE （PROMISSORY） 〃The substance of things long hoped for； the
evidence of things not seen。〃
NOVEL A fabric that is often （k）nit in print； though the yarn be
well spun。
NURSE One who keeps setting up the drinks after you're all in。
Out of the frying…pan into the faceMothers' doughnuts。
O
Many hands make light workalso a good Jack…pot。
OAR A popular device for catching crabs。
OATS England's horse…feed； America's breakfast and Scotland's
table…d'hote。
OATH A form of speech that has many trials in court； but is never
tried in Sunday School。
OBESITY A surplus gone to waist。
OCEAN An old toper who is always soaked； has many a hard night
along the coast； floats many a schooner； lashes himself into a fury
because so frequently crossed； and has his barks in every port。 At
sea； the king of the elements； on shore； a mere surf。
OLEOMARGARINE The White Bread's Burden。 From Eng。 olio； a
mixture； and Grk。 margino； to be furious。 A furious mixture。
OMNIBUS A test for Patience； still popular in England。 Fr