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as if death had descended on her; into Miss Tita's arms。
IX
I left Venice the next morning; as soon as I learned that the old
lady had not succumbed; as I feared at the moment; to the shock
I had given herthe shock I may also say she had given me。
How in the world could I have supposed her capable of getting out
of bed by herself? I failed to see Miss Tita before going; I only saw
the donna; whom I entrusted with a note for her younger mistress。
In this note I mentioned that I should be absent but for a few days。
I went to Treviso; to Bassano; to Castelfranco; I took walks and drives and
looked at musty old churches with ill…lighted pictures and spent hours seated
smoking at the doors of cafes; where there were flies and yellow curtains;
on the shady side of sleepy little squares。 In spite of these pastimes;
which were mechanical and perfunctory; I scantily enjoyed my journey:
there was too strong a taste of the disagreeable in my life。
I had been devilish awkward; as the young men say; to be found by Miss
Bordereau in the dead of night examining the attachment of her bureau;
and it had not been less so to have to believe for a good many hours
afterward that it was highly probable I had killed her。 In writing
to Miss Tita I attempted to minimize these irregularities; but as she gave
me no word of answer I could not know what impression I made upon her。
It rankled in my mind that I had been called a publishing scoundrel;
for certainly I did publish and certainly I had not been very delicate。
There was a moment when I stood convinced that the only way to make up
for this latter fault was to take myself away altogether on the instant;
to sacrifice my hopes and relieve the two poor women forever of the oppression
of my intercourse。 Then I reflected that I had better try a short
absence first; for I must already have had a sense (unexpressed and dim)
that in disappearing completely it would not be merely my own hopes that I
should condemn to extinction。 It would perhaps be sufficient if I stayed
away long enough to give the elder lady time to think she was rid of me。
That she would wish to be rid of me after this (if I was not rid of her)
was now not to be doubted: that nocturnal scene would have cured her
of the disposition to put up with my company for the sake of my dollars。
I said to myself that after all I could not abandon Miss Tita; and I continued
to say this even while I observed that she quite failed to comply with my
earnest request (I had given her two or three addresses; at little towns;
post restante) that she would let me know how she was getting on。
I would have made my servant write to me but that he was unable to manage
a pen。 It struck me there was a kind of scorn in Miss Tita's silence
(little disdainful as she had ever been); so that I was uncomfortable
and sore。 I had scruples about going back and yet I had others
about not doing so; for I wanted to put myself on a better footing。
The end of it was that I did return to Venice on the twelfth day;
and as my gondola gently bumped against Miss Bordereau's steps a certain
palpitation of suspense told me that I had done myself a violence
in holding off so long。
I had faced about so abruptly that I had not telegraphed to my servant。
He was therefore not at the station to meet me; but he poked
out his head from an upper window when I reached the house。
〃They have put her into the earth; la vecchia;〃 he said to me
in the lower hall; while he shouldered my valise; and he grinned
and almost winked; as if he knew I should be pleased at the news。
〃She's dead!〃 I exclaimed; giving him a very different look。
〃So it appears; since they have buried her。〃
〃It's all over? When was the funeral?〃
〃The other yesterday。 But a funeral you could scarcely
call it; signore; it was a dull little passeggio of two gondolas。
Poveretta!〃 the man continued; referring apparently to Miss Tita。
His conception of funerals was apparently that they were mainly
to amuse the living。
I wanted to know about Miss Titahow she was and where she was
but I asked him no more questions till we had got upstairs。
Now that the fact had met me I took a bad view of it;
especially of the idea that poor Miss Tita had had to manage
by herself after the end。 What did she know about arrangements;
about the steps to take in such a case? Poveretta indeed!
I could only hope that the doctor had given her assistance
and that she had not been neglected by the old friends
of whom she had told me; the little band of the faithful
whose fidelity consisted in coming to the house once a year。
I elicited from my servant that two old ladies and an old gentleman
had in fact rallied round Miss Tita and had supported her
(they had come for her in a gondola of their own) during the
journey to the cemetery; the little red…walled island of tombs
which lies to the north of the town; on the way to Murano。
It appeared from these circumstances that the Misses Bordereau
were Catholics; a discovery I had never made; as the old woman
could not go to church and her niece; so far as I perceived;
either did not or went only to early mass in the parish;
before I was stirring。 Certainly even the priests respected
their seclusion; I had never caught the whisk of the curato's skirt。
That evening; an hour later; I sent my servant down with five
words written on a card; to ask Miss Tita if she would see me
for a few moments。 She was not in the house; where he had
sought her; he told me when he came back; but in the garden
walking about to refresh herself and gathering flowers。
He had found her there and she would be very happy to see me。
I went down and passed half an hour with poor Miss Tita。
She had always had a look of musty mourning (as if she
were wearing out old robes of sorrow that would not come
to an end); and in this respect there was no appreciable
change in her appearance。 But she evidently had been crying;
crying a great dealsimply; satisfyingly; refreshingly; with a
sort of primitive; retarded sense of loneliness and violence。
But she had none of the formalism or the self…consciousness
of grief; and I was almost surprised to see her standing
there in the first dusk with her hands full of flowers;
smiling at me with her reddened eyes。 Her white face;
in the frame of her mantilla; looked longer; leaner than usual。
I had had an idea that she would be a good deal disgusted
with mewould consider that I ought to have been on the spot
to advise her; to help her; and; though I was sure there
was no rancor in her composition and no great conviction
of the importance of her affairs; I had prepared myself
for a difference in her manner; for some little injured look;
half…familiar; half…estranged; which should say to my conscience;
〃Well; you are a nice person to have professed things!〃
But historic truth compels me to declare that Tita Bordereau