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the aspern papers-第26章

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as if death had descended on her; into Miss Tita's arms。







                           IX





I left Venice the next morning; as soon as I learned that the old

lady had not succumbed; as I feared at the moment; to the shock

I had given herthe shock I may also say she had given me。

How in the world could I have supposed her capable of getting out

of bed by herself?  I failed to see Miss Tita before going; I only saw

the donna; whom I entrusted with a note for her younger mistress。

In this note I mentioned that I should be absent but for a few days。

I went to Treviso; to Bassano; to Castelfranco; I took walks and drives and

looked at musty old churches with ill…lighted pictures and spent hours seated

smoking at the doors of cafes; where there were flies and yellow curtains;

on the shady side of sleepy little squares。  In spite of these pastimes;

which were mechanical and perfunctory; I scantily enjoyed my journey:

there was too strong a taste of the disagreeable in my life。

I had been devilish awkward; as the young men say; to be found by Miss

Bordereau in the dead of night examining the attachment of her bureau;

and it had not been less so to have to believe for a good many hours

afterward that it was highly probable I had killed her。  In writing

to Miss Tita I attempted to minimize these irregularities; but as she gave

me no word of answer I could not know what impression I made upon her。

It rankled in my mind that I had been called a publishing scoundrel;

for certainly I did publish and certainly I had not been very delicate。

There was a moment when I stood convinced that the only way to make up

for this latter fault was to take myself away altogether on the instant;

to sacrifice my hopes and relieve the two poor women forever of the oppression

of my intercourse。  Then I reflected that I had better try a short

absence first; for I must already have had a sense (unexpressed and dim)

that in disappearing completely it would not be merely my own hopes that I

should condemn to extinction。  It would perhaps be sufficient if I stayed

away long enough to give the elder lady time to think she was rid of me。

That she would wish to be rid of me after this (if I was not rid of her)

was now not to be doubted:  that nocturnal scene would have cured her

of the disposition to put up with my company for the sake of my dollars。

I said to myself that after all I could not abandon Miss Tita; and I continued

to say this even while I observed that she quite failed to comply with my

earnest request (I had given her two or three addresses; at little towns;

post restante) that she would let me know how she was getting on。

I would have made my servant write to me but that he was unable to manage

a pen。  It struck me there was a kind of scorn in Miss Tita's silence

(little disdainful as she had ever been); so that I was uncomfortable

and sore。  I had scruples about going back and yet I had others

about not doing so; for I wanted to put myself on a better footing。

The end of it was that I did return to Venice on the twelfth day;

and as my gondola gently bumped against Miss Bordereau's steps a certain

palpitation of suspense told me that I had done myself a violence

in holding off so long。



I had faced about so abruptly that I had not telegraphed to my servant。

He was therefore not at the station to meet me; but he poked

out his head from an upper window when I reached the house。

〃They have put her into the earth; la vecchia;〃 he said to me

in the lower hall; while he shouldered my valise; and he grinned

and almost winked; as if he knew I should be pleased at the news。



〃She's dead!〃  I exclaimed; giving him a very different look。



〃So it appears; since they have buried her。〃



〃It's all over?  When was the funeral?〃



〃The other yesterday。  But a funeral you could scarcely

call it; signore; it was a dull little passeggio of two gondolas。

Poveretta!〃 the man continued; referring apparently to Miss Tita。

His conception of funerals was apparently that they were mainly

to amuse the living。



I wanted to know about Miss Titahow she was and where she was

but I asked him no more questions till we had got upstairs。

Now that the fact had met me I took a bad view of it;

especially of the idea that poor Miss Tita had had to manage

by herself after the end。  What did she know about arrangements;

about the steps to take in such a case?  Poveretta indeed!

I could only hope that the doctor had given her assistance

and that she had not been neglected by the old friends

of whom she had told me; the little band of the faithful

whose fidelity consisted in coming to the house once a year。

I elicited from my servant that two old ladies and an old gentleman

had in fact rallied round Miss Tita and had supported her

(they had come for her in a gondola of their own) during the

journey to the cemetery; the little red…walled island of tombs

which lies to the north of the town; on the way to Murano。

It appeared from these circumstances that the Misses Bordereau

were Catholics; a discovery I had never made; as the old woman

could not go to church and her niece; so far as I perceived;

either did not or went only to early mass in the parish;

before I was stirring。  Certainly even the priests respected

their seclusion; I had never caught the whisk of the curato's skirt。

That evening; an hour later; I sent my servant down with five

words written on a card; to ask Miss Tita if she would see me

for a few moments。  She was not in the house; where he had

sought her; he told me when he came back; but in the garden

walking about to refresh herself and gathering flowers。

He had found her there and she would be very happy to see me。



I went down and passed half an hour with poor Miss Tita。

She had always had a look of musty mourning (as if she

were wearing out old robes of sorrow that would not come

to an end); and in this respect there was no appreciable

change in her appearance。  But she evidently had been crying;

crying a great dealsimply; satisfyingly; refreshingly; with a

sort of primitive; retarded sense of loneliness and violence。

But she had none of the formalism or the self…consciousness

of grief; and I was almost surprised to see her standing

there in the first dusk with her hands full of flowers;

smiling at me with her reddened eyes。  Her white face;

in the frame of her mantilla; looked longer; leaner than usual。

I had had an idea that she would be a good deal disgusted

with mewould consider that I ought to have been on the spot

to advise her; to help her; and; though I was sure there

was no rancor in her composition and no great conviction

of the importance of her affairs; I had prepared myself

for a difference in her manner; for some little injured look;

half…familiar; half…estranged; which should say to my conscience;

〃Well; you are a nice person to have professed things!〃

But historic truth compels me to declare that Tita Bordereau
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