按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
You threw all the weight of your influence into the opposite side of the
scale。 I failed。 It made no difference。 I had done what I had done in
sheer despair： mere impulseit didn't last。 When the next temptation
tried me； I behaved like a scoundrelas you say。〃
〃I have said nothing；〃 I answered shortly。
〃Very wellas you _think；_ then。 Did you suspect me at lastwhen we met
in the village； yesterday？ Surely； even your eyes must have seen through
me on that occasion！〃
I answered silently； by an inclination of my head。 I had no wish to drift
into another quarrel。 Sorely as he was presuming on my endurance； I
tried； in Lucilla's interests； to keep on friendly terms with him。
〃You concealed it wonderfully well；〃 he went on； 〃when I tried to find
out whether you had； or had not discovered me。 You virtuous people are
not bad hands at deception； when it suits your interests to deceive。 I
needn't tell you what my temptation was yesterday。 The first look of her
eyes when they opened on the world； the first light of love and joy
breaking on her heavenly facewhat madness to expect me to let that look
fall on another man； that light show itself to other eyes！ No living
being； adoring her as I adored her； would have acted otherwise than I
did。 I could have fallen down on my knees and worshipped Grosse； when he
innocently proposed to me to take the very place in the room which I was
determined to occupy。 You saw what I had in my mind！ You did your
bestand did it admirablyto defeat me。 Oh； you pattern peopleyou can
be as shifty with your resources； when a cunning trick is to be played；
as the worst of us！ You saw how it ended。 Fortune stood my friend at the
eleventh hour； fortune can shine； like the sun； on the just and the
unjust！ _I_ had the first look of her eyes！ _I_ felt the first light of
love and joy in her face falling on _me！ I_ have had her arms round me；
and her bosom on mine〃
I could endure it no longer。
〃Open the door！〃 I said。 〃I am ashamed to be in the same room with you！〃
〃I don't wonder at it；〃 he answered。 〃You may well be ashamed of me。 I am
ashamed of myself。〃
There was nothing cynical in his tone； nothing insolent in his manner。
The same man who had just gloried in that abominable way； in his victory
over innocence and misfortune； now spoke and looked like a man who was
honestly ashamed of himself。 If I could only have felt convinced that he
was mocking me； or playing the hypocrite with me； I should have known
what to do。 But I say againimpossible as it seemshe was； beyond all
doubt； genuinely penitent for what he had said； the instant after he had
said it！ With all my experience of humanity； and all my practice in
dealing with strange characters； I stopped mid…way between Nugent and the
locked door； thoroughly puzzled。
〃Do you believe me？〃 he asked。
〃I don't understand you；〃 I answered。
He took the key of the door out of his pocket； and put it on the
tableclose to the chair from which I had just risen。
〃I lose my head when I talk of her； or think of her；〃 he went on。 〃I
would give everything I possess not to have said what I said just now。 No
language you can use is too strong to condemn it。 The words burst out of
me： if Lucilla herself had been present； I couldn't have controlled them。
Go； if you like。 I have no right to keep you here； after behaving as I
have done。 There is the key； at your service。 Only think first； before
you leave me。 You had something to propose when you came in。 You might
influence meyou might shame me into behaving like an honorable man。 Do
as you please。 It rests with you。〃
Which was I； a good Christian？ or a contemptible fool？ I went back once
more to my chair； and determined to give him a last chance。
〃That's kind；〃 he said。 〃You encourage me； you show me that I am worth
trying again。 I had a generous impulse in this room； yesterday。 It might
have been something better than an impulseif I had not had another
temptation set straight in my way。〃
〃What temptation？〃 I asked。
〃Oscar's letter has told you： Oscar himself put the temptation in my way。
You must have seen it。〃
〃I saw nothing of the sort。〃
〃Doesn't he tell you that I offered to leave Dimchurch for ever？ I meant
it。 I saw the misery in the poor fellow's face； when Grosse and I were
leading Lucilla out of the room。 With my whole heart； I meant it。 If he
had taken my hand； and had said Good…bye； I should have gone。 He wouldn't
take my hand。 He insisted on thinking it over by himself。 He came back；
resolved to make the sacrifice； on his side〃
〃Why did you accept the sacrifice？〃
〃Because he tempted me。〃
〃Tempted you？〃
〃Yes！ What else can you call itwhen he offered to leave me free to
plead my own cause with Lucilla？ What else can you call itwhen he
showed me a future life； which was a life with Lucilla？ Poor； dear；
generous fellow； he tempted me to stay when he ought to have encouraged
me to go。 How could I resist him？ Blame the passion that has got me body
and soul： don't blame _me！_〃
I looked at the book on the tablethe book that he had been reading when
I entered the room。 These sophistical confidences of his were nothing but
Rousseau at second hand。 Good！ If he talked false Rousseau； nothing was
left for me but to talk genuine Pratolungo。 I let myself goI was just
in the humour for it。
〃How can a clever man like you impose on yourself in that way？〃 I said。
〃Your future with Lucilla？ You have no future with Lucilla which is not
shocking to think of。 Supposeyou shall never do it； as long as I
livesuppose you married her？ Good heavens； what a miserable life it
would be for both of you！ You love your brother。 Do you think you could
ever really know a moment's peace； with one reflection perpetually
forcing itself on your mind？ 'I have cheated Oscar out of the woman whom
he loved； I have wasted his life； I have broken his heart。' You couldn't
look at her； you couldn't speak to her； you couldn't touch her； without
feeling it all embittered by that horrible reproach。 And she？ What sort
of wife would she make you； when she knew how you had got her？ I don't
know which of the two she would hate mostyou or herself。 Not a man
would pass her in the street； who would not rouse the thought in her'I
wonder whether _he_ has ever done anything as base as what my husband has
done。' Not a married woman of her acquaintance； but would make her sick
at heart with envy and regret。 'Whatever faults he may have； your husband
hasn't won you as my husband won me。' You happy？ Your married life
endurable？ Come！ I have saved a few pounds； since I have been with
Lucilla。 I will lay you every farthing I possess； you two would be
separated by mutual consent before you had been six months man and wife。
_Now；_ which will you do？ Will you start for the Continent； or stay here？
Will you bring Oscar back； like an honorable man？ or let him go； and
disgrace yourself for ever？〃
His eyes sparkled； his color rose。 He sprang to his feet； and unlocked
the door。 What was he going to do？ To start for the Continent； or to turn
me out of the house？
He called to the servant。
〃James！〃
〃Yes； sir？〃
〃Make the house fast when Madam