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（cost me what it might） on myself making the sacrifice to which my
brother had offered to submit。 For Lucilla's sake； and for Nugent's sake；
I felt the certain assurance in my own mind that it was _my_ duty； and
not _his；_ to go。
〃Don't blame me； don't grieve for me。 Read the rest。 I want you to think
of this with my thoughtsto feel about it as I feel at this moment。
〃Bearing in mind what Nugent has confessed； and what I have myself seen；
have I any right to hold Lucilla to her engagement？ I am firmly persuaded
that I have no right。 After inspiring her with terror and disgust at the
moment when her eyes first looked at me； after seeing her innocently
happy in Nugent's armshow； in God's name； can I claim her as mine？ Our
marriage has become an impossibility。 For her own sake； I cannot； I dare
not； appeal to our engagement。 The wreck of _my_ happiness is nothing。
The wreck of _her_ happiness would be a crime。 I absolve her from her
engagement。 She is free。
〃There is my duty towards Lucillaas I see it。
〃As to Nugent next。 I owe it entirely to my brother （at the time of the
Trial） that the honor of our family has been saved； and that I have
escaped a shameful death on the scaffold。 Is there any limit to the
obligation that he has laid on me； after doing me such a service as this？
There is no limit。 The man who loves Lucilla and the brother who has
saved my life are one。 I am bound to leave him freeI do leave him
freeto win Lucilla by open and loyal means； if he can。 As soon as Herr
Grosse considers that she is fit to bear the disclosure； let her be told
of the error into which she has fallen （through my fault）let her read
these lines； purposely written to meet her eye as well as yoursand let
my brother tell her afterwards what has passed to…night in this house
between himself and me。 She loves him now； believing him to be Oscar。
Will she love him still； after she has learnt to know him under his own
name？ The answer to that question rests with Time。 If it is an answer in
Nugent's favor； I have already arranged to set aside from my income a
sufficient yearly sum to place my brother in a position to begin his
married life。 I wish to leave his genius free to assert itself；
untrammeled by pecuniary cares。 Possessing； as I do； far more than enough
for my own simple wants； I can dedicate my spare money to no better and
nobler use than this。
〃There is my duty towards Nugentas I see it。
〃What I have decided on you now know。 What I have done can be told in two
words。 I have left Browndown for ever。 I have gone； to live or die （as
God pleases） under the blow that has fallen on me； far away from you all。
〃Perhaps； when years have passed； and when their children are growing up
round them； I may see Lucilla again； and may take as the hand of my
sister； the hand of the beloved woman who might once have been my wife。
This may happen； if I live。 If I die； you will none of you know it。 My
death shall not cast its shadow of sadness on their lives。 Forgive me and
forget me； and keep； as I keep； that first and noblest of all mortal
hopesthe hope of the life to come。
〃I enclose； when there is need for you to write to me； the address of my
bankers in London。 They will have their instructions。 If you love me； if
you pity me； abstain from attempting to shake my resolution。 You may
distress mebut you will never change me。 Wait to write； until Nugent
has had the opportunity of pleading his own cause； and Lucilla has
decided on her future life。
〃Once more； I thank you for the kindness which has borne with my
weaknesses and my follies。 God bless youand goodbye。
〃OSCAR。
Of the effect which the first reading of this letter produced on me； I
shall say nothing。 Even at this distance of time； I shrink from reviving
the memory of what I suffered； alone in my room on that miserable night。
Let it be enough if I tell you briefly at what decision I arrived。
I determined on doing two things。 First； on going to London by the
earliest train the next morning； and finding my way to Oscar by means of
his bankers。 Secondly； on preventing the villain who had accepted the
sacrifice of his brother's happiness from entering the rectory in my
absence。
The one comfort I had； that night； was in feeling that； on these two
points； my mind was made up。 There was a stimulant in my sense of my own
resolution which strengthened me to make my excuses to Lucilla； without
betraying the grief that tortured me when I found myself in her presence
again。 Before I went to my bed； I had left her quiet and happy； I had
arranged with Herr Grosse that he was still to keep his excitable patient
secluded from visitors all through the next day； and I had secured as an
ally to help me in preventing Nugent from entering the house； no less a
person than Reverend Finch himself。 I saw him in his study overnight； and
told him all that had happened； keeping one circumstance only
concealednamely； Oscar's insane determination to share his fortune with
his infamous brother。 I purposely led the rector to suppose that Oscar
had left Lucilla free to receive the addresses of a man who had
dissipated his fortune to the last farthing。 Mr。 Finch's harangue when
this prospect was brought within his range of contemplation； was
something to be remembered； but not （on this occasion） to be reportedin
mercy to the Church。
By the train of the next morning； I left for London。
By the train of the same evening； I returned alone to Dimchurch； having
completely failed to achieve the purpose which taken me to the
metropolis。
Oscar had appeared at the bank as soon as the doors were opened in the
morning； had drawn out some hundreds of pounds in circular notes； had
told the bankers that they should be furnished with an address at which
they could write to him； in due course of time； and had departed for the
Continent； without leaving a trace behind him。
I spent the day in making what arrangements I could for discovering him
by the usual methods of inquiry pursued in such cases； and took the
return train to the country； with my mind alternating between despair
when I thought of Lucilla； and anger when I thought of the twin…brothers。
In the first bitterness of my disappointment； I was quite as indignant
with Oscar as with Nugent。 With all my heart I cursed the day which had
brought the one and the other to Dimchurch。
As we lengthened our distance from London； flying smoothly the tranquil
woods and fields； my mind； with time to help it； began to recover its
balance。 Little by little； the unexpected revelation of firmness and
decision in Oscar's conductheartily as I still deplored and blamed that
conductbegan to have a new effect on my mind。 I now looked back in
amazement and self…reproach； at my own superficial estimate of the
characters of the twin…brothers。
Thinking it over uninterruptedly； with no one in the carriage but myself；
I arrived at a conclusion which strongly influenced my conduct in guiding
Lucilla through the troubles and perils that were still to come。
Our physical constitutions have； as I take it； more to do with the
actions which determine other people's opinions of us （as