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of the tenderest anxiety to keep it warm on my account。
〃Here is a lofely cheese…omelets;〃 said Grosse。 〃Two…thirds of him I have
eaten my own self。 The odder third I sweat with anxiety to keep warm for
you。 Sit down! sit down! Every moment he is getting cold。〃
〃I am much obliged to you; Herr Grosse。 I have just heard some miserable
news〃
〃Ach; Gott! don't tell it to me!〃 the wretch burst out with a look of
consternation。 〃No miserable news; I pray you; after such a dinner as I
have eaten。 Let me do my digestions! My goot…dear…creature; if you lofe
me let me do my digestions!〃
〃Will you excuse me; if I leave you to your digestion; and retire to my
own room?〃
He rose in a violent hurry; and opened the door for me。
〃Yes! yes! From the deep bottoms of my heart I excuse you。 Goot Madame
Pratolungo; retire! retire!〃
I had barely passed the threshold; before the door was closed behind me。
I heard the selfish old brute rub his hands; and chuckle over his success
in shutting me and my sorrow both out of the room together。
Just as my hand was on my own door; it occurred to me that I should do
well to make sure of not being surprised by Lucilla over the reading of
Oscar's letter。 The truth is that I shrank from reading it。 In spite of
my resolution to disbelieve the servant; the dread was now growing on me
that the letter would confirm his statement; and would force it on me as
the truth that Oscar had left us never to return。 I retraced my steps;
and entered Lucilla's room。
I could just see her; by the dim night…light burning in a cornet to
enable the surgeon or the nurse to find their way to her。 She was alone
in her favorite little wicker…work chair; with the doleful white bandage
over her eyesto all appearance quite content; busily knitting!
〃Don't you feel lonely; Lucilla?〃
She turned her head towards me; and answered in her gayest tones。
〃Not in the least。 I am quite happy as I am。
〃Why is Zillah not with you?〃
〃I sent her away。〃
〃You sent her away?〃
〃Yes! I couldn't enjoy myself thoroughly to…night; unless I felt that I
was quite alone。 I have seen him; my dearI have seen him! How could you
possibly think I felt lonely? I am so inordinately happy that I am
obliged to knit to keep myself quiet。 If you say much more; I shall get
up and danceI know I shall! Where is Oscar? That odious Grosseno! it
is too bad to talk of the dear old man in that way; after he has given me
back my sight。 Still it _is_ cruel of him to say that I am overexcited;
and to forbid Oscar to come and see me to…night。 Is Oscar with you; in
the next room? Is he very much disappointed at being parted from me in
this way? Say I am thinking of himsince I have seen himwith such new
thoughts!〃
〃Oscar is not here to…night; my dear。〃
〃No? then he is at Browndown of course with that poor wretched disfigured
brother of his。 I have got over my terror of Nugent's hideous face。 I am
even beginning (though I never liked him; as you know) to pity him; with
such a dreadful complexion as that。 Don't let us talk about it! Don't let
us talk at all! I want to go on thinking of Oscar。〃
She resumed her knitting; and shut herself up luxuriously in her own
happy thoughts。 Knowing what I knew; it was nothing less than
heart…breaking to see her and hear her。 Afraid to trust myself to say
another word; I softly closed the door; and charged Zillah (when her
mistress rang her bell) to say for me that I was weary after the events
of the day; and had gone to rest in my bed…room。
At last; I was alone。 At last I was at the end of my maneuvers to spare
myself the miserable necessity of opening Oscar's letter。 After first
locking my door; I broke the seal; and read the lines which follow。
〃KIND AND DEAR FRIEND;Forgive me: I am going to surprise and distress
you。 My letter thanks you gratefully; and bids you a last farewell。
〃Summon all your indulgence for me。 Read these lines to the end: they
will tell you what happened after I left the rectory。
〃Nothing had been seen of Nugent; when I reached this house。 It was not
till a quarter of an hour later that I heard his voice at the door;
calling to me; and asking if I had come back。 I answered; and he joined
me in the sitting…room。 Nugent's first words to me were these: 〃
'Oscar; I have come to ask your pardon; and to bid you good…bye。'
〃I can give you no idea of the tone in which he spoke to me: it would
have gone straight to your heart; as it went straight to mine。 For the
moment; I was not able to answer him。 I could only offer him my hand。 He
sighed bitterly; and refused to take it。
〃 'I have something still to tell you;' he said。 'Wait till you have
heard it; and give me your hand afterwardsif you can。'
〃He even refused to take the chair to which I pointed。 He distressed me
by standing in my presence as if he was my inferior。 The next words that
he said to me
〃No! I have need of all my calmness and all my courage。 It shakes both to
recall what he said to me。 I sat down to write this; intending to repeat
to you everything that passed between us。 Another of my weaknesses!
another of my failures! The tears come into my eyes again; when my mind
attempts to dwell on the details。 I can only tell you the result。 My
brother's confession may be summed up in three words。 Prepare yourself to
be startled; prepare yourself to be grieved。
〃Nugent loves her。
〃Think of this discovery falling on me; after I had seen my innocent
Lucilla's arms round his neckafter my own eyes had shown me how she
rejoiced over her first sight of _him;_ how she shuddered at her first
sight of _me!_ Need I tell you what I suffered? No。
〃Nugent held out his hand; when he had doneas I had held out mine
before he began。
〃 'The one atonement I can make to you and to her;' he said; 'is never to
let either of you set eyes on me again。 Shake hands; Oscar; and let me
go。'
〃If I had willed it soso it might have ended。 I willed it differently。
It has ended differently。 Can you guess how?〃
I laid down the letter for a moment。 It cut me with such keen regret; it
fired me with such hot ragethat I was within a hairsbreadth of tearing
the rest of it up unread; and trampling it under my feet。 I took a turn
in the room。 I dipped my handkerchief in water; and bound it round my
head。 In a minute or two I was myself againI could force my mind away
from my poor Lucilla; and return to the letter。 It proceeded thus:
〃I can write calmly of what I have next to tell you。 You shall hear what
I have decided; and what I have done。
〃I told Nugent to wait in the room; while I went away; and thought over
what he had said to me; by myself。 He attempted to resist this。 I
insisted on his yielding。 For the first time in our lives; we changed
places。 It was I who took the lead; and he who followed。 I left him and
went out into the valley alone。
〃The heavenly tranquillity; the comforting solitude helped me。 I saw my
position and his; in their true light。 Before I got back; I had decided
(cost me what it might) on myself making the sacrifice to which my
brother had offered to submit。 For Lucilla's sake; and for Nugent's sake;
I felt t