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my stupidity quite incredible？ Remember； if you please； what a weight of
trouble and anxiety had lain on my mind while I was at Marseilles。 Can
one think of everything while one is afflicted； as I was？ Not even such a
clever person as You can do that。 If； as the saying is； 〃Homer sometimes
nods〃why not Madame Pratolungo？
〃I never thought of the Poste…Restante；〃 I said to Oscar。 〃If you don't
mind going back a little way； shall we inquire at once？〃
He was perfectly willing。 We went downstairs again； and out into the
street。 On our way to the post…office； I seized my first opportunity of
making Oscar give me some account of himself。
〃I have satisfied your curiosity； to the best of my ability；〃 I said； as
we walked arm…in…arm through the streets。 〃Now suppose you satisfy mine。
A report of your having been seen in a military hospital in Italy； is the
only report of you which has reached me here。 Of course； it is not true？〃
〃It is perfectly true。〃
〃You； in a hospital； nursing wounded soldiers？〃
〃That is exactly what I have been doing。〃
No words could express my astonishment。 I could only stop； and look at
him。
〃Was that the occupation which you had in view when you left England？〃 I
asked。
〃I had no object in leaving England；〃 he answered； 〃but the object which
I avowed to you。 After what had happened； I owed it to Lucilla and I owed
it to Nugent to go。 I left England without caring where I went。 The train
to Lyons happened to be the first train that started on my arrival at
Paris。 I took the first train。 At Lyons； I saw by chance an account in a
French newspaper of the sufferings of some of the badly…wounded men； left
still uncured after the battle of Solferino。 I felt an impulse； in my own
wretchedness； to help these other sufferers in _their_ misery。 On every
other side of it； my life was wasted。 The one worthy use to which I could
put it was to employ myself in doing good； and here was good to be done；
I managed to get the necessary letters of introduction at Turin。 With the
help of these； I made myself of some use （under the regular surgeons and
dressers） in nursing the poor mutilated； crippled men； and I have helped
a little afterwards； from my own resources； in starting them comfortably
in new ways of life。〃
In those manly and simple words； he told me his story。
Once more I felt； what I had felt already； that there were hidden
reserves of strength in the character of this innocent young fellow；
which had utterly escaped my superficial observation of him。 In choosing
his vocation； he was； no doubt； only following the conventional modern
course in such cases。 Despair has its fashions； as well as dress。 Ancient
despair （especially of Oscar's sort） used to turn soldier； or go into a
monastery。 Modern despair turns nurse； binds up wounds； gives physic； and
gets cured or not in that useful but nasty way。 Oscar had certainly
struck out nothing new for himself： he had only followed the fashion。
Still； it implied； as I thought； both courage and resolution to have
conquered the obstacles which he must have overcome； and to have held
steadily on his course after he had once entered it。 Having begun by
quarreling with him； I was in a fair way to end by respecting him。 Surely
this man was worth preserving for Lucilla； after all！
〃May I ask where you were going； when we met at the port？〃 I continued。
〃Have you left Italy because there were no more wounded soldiers to be
cured？〃
〃There was no more work for me at the hospital to which I was attached；〃
he said。 〃And there were certain obstacles in my way； as a stranger and a
Protestant； among the poor and afflicted population outside the hospital。
I might have overcome those obstacles； with little trouble； among a
people so essentially good…tempered and courteous as the Italians； if I
had tried。 But it occurred to me that my first duty was to my own
countrymen。 The misery crying for relief in London； is misery not
paralleled in any city of Italy。 When you met me； I was on my way to
London； to place my services at the disposal of any clergyman； in a poor
neighborhood； who would accept such help as I can offer him。〃 He paused a
littlehesitatedand added in lower tones：〃That was one of my objects
in returning to England。 It is only honest to own to you that I had
another motive besides。〃
〃A motive connected with your brother and with Lucilla？〃 I suggested。
〃Yes。 Don't misinterpret me！ I am not returning to England to retract
what I said to Nugent。 I still leave him free to plead his own cause with
Lucilla in his own person。 I am still resolved not to distress myself and
distress them； by returning to Dimchurch。 But I have a longing that
nothing can subdue； to know how it has ended between them。 Don't ask me
to say more than that！ In spite of the time that has passed； it breaks my
heart to talk of Lucilla。 I had looked forward to a meeting with you in
London； and to hearing what I longed to hear； from your lips。 Judge for
yourself what my hopes were when I first saw your face； and forgive me if
I felt my disappointment bitterly； when I found that you had really no
news to tell； and when you spoke of Nugent as you did。〃 He stopped； and
pressed my arm earnestly。 〃Suppose I am right about Miss Finch's letter？'
he added。 〃Suppose it should really be waiting for you at the post？〃
〃Well？〃
〃The letter may contain the news which I most want to hear。〃
I checked him there。 〃I am not sure of that；〃 I answered。 〃I don't know
what it is that you most want to hear。〃
I said those words with a purpose。 What was the news he was longing for？
In spite of all that he had told me； my instincts answered： News that
Lucilla is still a single woman。 My object in speaking as I had just
spoken； was to tempt him into a reply which might confirm me in this
opinion。 He evaded the reply。 Was that confirmation in itself？ Yesas
_I_ think！
〃Will you tell me what there is in the letter？〃 he askedpassing； as you
see； entirely over what I had just said to him。
〃Yesif you wish it；〃 I answered： not over well pleased with his want of
confidence in me。
〃No matter what the letter contains？〃 he went on； evidently doubting me。
I said Yes； againthat one word； and no more。
〃I suppose it would be asking too much；〃 he persisted； 〃to ask you to let
me read the letter myself？〃
My temper； as you are well aware by this time； is not the temper of a
saint。 I drew my arm smartly out of his arm； and I surveyed him with；
what poor Pratolungo used to call； 〃my Roman look。〃
〃Mr。 Oscar Dubourg！ say； in plain words； that you distrust me。〃
He protested of course that he did nothing of the kindwithout producing
the slightest effect on me。 Just run over in your mind the insults；
worries； and anxieties which had assailed me； as the reward for my
friendly interest in this man's welfare。 Or； if that is too great an
effort； be so good as to remember that Lucilla's farewell letter to me at
Dimchurch； was now followed by the equally ungracious expression of
Oscar's distrustand this at a time when I had had serious trials of my
own to sustain at my father's bedside。 I think you will admit that a
sweeter tempe