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with his head down； and his hands crossed listlessly over his kneesthat
I could not find it in my heart to treat him harshly。 Was I wrong？ I
don't know！ I have no idea how to manage menand no Madame Pratolungo
now to teach me。 Right or wrong； it ended in my sitting down by him again
in the place which I had just left。
〃You ought to beg my pardon；〃 I said； 〃for thinking of me as you think；
and talking to me as you talk。〃
〃I do beg your pardon；〃 he answered humbly。 〃I am sorry if I have
offended you。〃
How could I resist that？ I put my hand on his shoulder； and tried to make
him lift up his head and look at me。
〃You will always believe in me in the future？〃 I went on。 〃Promise me
that。〃
〃I can promise to try； Lucilla。 As things are now I can promise no more。〃
〃As things are now？ You are speaking in riddles to…night。 Explain
yourself。〃
〃I explained myself this morning on the pier。〃
Surely； this was hard on meafter he had promised to give me till the
end of the week to consider his proposal？ I took my hand off his
shoulder。 Hewho never used to displease or disappoint me when I was
blindhad displeased and disappointed me for the second time in a few
minutes！
〃Do you wish to force me？〃 I asked； 〃after telling me this morning that
you would give me time to reflect？〃
He rose； on his sidelanguidly and mechanically； like a man who neither
knew nor cared what he was doing。
〃Force you？〃 he repeated。 〃Did I say that？ I don't know what I am talking
about； I don't know what I am doing。 You are right and I am wrong。 I am a
miserable wretch； LucillaI am utterly unworthy of you。 It would be
better for you if you never saw me again！〃 He paused； and taking me by
both hands； looked earnestly and sadly into my face。 〃Good night； my
dear！〃 he saidand suddenly dropped my hands； and turned away to go out。
I stopped him。 〃Going already？〃 I said。 〃It is not late yet。
〃It is best for me to go。〃
〃Why？〃
〃I am in wretched spirits。 It is better for me to be by myself。〃
〃Don't say that！ It sounds like a reproach to me。〃
〃On the contrary； it is all my fault。 Good night！〃
I refused to say good nightI refused to let him go。 His wanting to go
was in itself a reproach to me。 He had never done it before。 I asked him
to sit down again。
He shook his head。
〃For ten minutes！〃
He shook his head again。
〃For five minutes！〃
Instead of answering； he gently lifted a long lock of my hair； which hung
at the side of my neck。 （My head； I should add； had been dressed that
evening on the old…fashioned plan； by my aunt's maidto please my aunt。）
〃If I stay for five minutes longer；〃 he said； 〃I shall ask for
something。〃
〃For what？〃
〃You have beautiful hair； Lucilla。〃
〃You can't want a lock of my hair； surely？〃
〃Why not？〃
〃I gave you a keepsake of that sortages ago。 Have you forgotten it？〃
＇Note。The keepsake had of course been given to the true Oscar； and was
then； as it is now； still in his possession。 Notice； when he recovers
himself； how quickly the false Oscar infers this； and how cleverly he
founds his excuse upon it。P。＇
His face flushed deep； his eyes dropped before mine。 I could see that he
was ashamed of himselfI could only conclude that he _had_ forgotten it！
A morsel of _his_ hair was； at that moment； in a locket which I wore
round my neck。 I had more I think； to doubt him than he had to doubt me。
I was so mortified that I stepped aside； and made way for him to go out。
〃You wish to go away；〃 I said； 〃I won't keep you any longer。
It was his turn now to plead with _me。_
〃Suppose I have been deprived of your keepsake？〃 he said。 〃Suppose
somebody whom I would rather not mention； has taken it away from me？〃
I instantly understood him。 His miserable brother had taken it。 My
work…basket was close by。 I cut off a lock of my hair； and tied it at
each end with a morsel of my favorite light…blue ribbon。
〃Are we friends again； Oscar？〃 was all I said as I put it into his hand。
He caught me in his arms in a kind of frenzyholding me to him so
violently that he hurt me； kissing me so fiercely that he frightened me。
Before I had recovered breath enough to speak to him； he had released me；
and had gone out in such headlong haste that he knocked down a little
round table with books on it； and woke my aunt。
The old lady called for me in her most formidable voice； and showed me
the family temper in its sourest aspect。 Grosse had gone back to London
without making any apology to her； and Oscar had knocked down her books。
The indignation aroused by these two outrages called loudly for a
victimand （no one else being near at the moment） selected Me。 Miss
Batchford discovered for the first time that she had undertaken too much
in assuming the sole charge of her niece at Ramsgate。
〃I decline to accept the entire responsibility；〃 said my aunt。 〃At my
age； the entire responsibility is too much for me。 I shall write to your
father； Lucilla。 I always did； and always shall； detest him； as you know。
His views on politics and religion are （in a clergyman） simply
detestable。 Still he is your father； and it is a duty on my part； after
what that rude foreigner has said about your health； to offer to restore
you to your father's roofor； at least； to obtain your father's sanction
to your continuing to remain under my care。 This course； in either case
you will observe； relieves me from the entire responsibility。 I am doing
nothing to compromise my position。 My position is quite plain to me。 I
should have formally accepted your father's hospitality on the occasion
of your weddingif I had been well enough and if the wedding had taken
place。 It follows as a matter of course that I may formally report to
your father what the medical opinion is of your health。 However brutally
it may have been given； it is a medical opinionand as such I am bound
to communicate it。
Knowing but too well how bitterly my aunt's aversion to him is
reciprocated by my father； I did my best to combat Miss Batchford's
resolutionwithout making matters worse by telling her what my motives
really were。 With some difficulty I prevailed on her to defer the
proposed report of me for a day or twoand we parted for the night （the
old lady's fits of temper are soon over） as good friends as usual。
This little episode in my narrative of events diverted my mind for the
time from Oscar's strange conduct yesterday evening。 But once up here by
myself in my own room； I have been thinking of it； or dreaming of it
（such horrid dreamsI cannot write them down！） almost incessantly from
that time to this。 When we meet again to…dayhow will he look？ what will
he say？
He was right yesterday。 I _am_ cold to him； there is some change in me
towards him； which I don't understand myself。 My conscience accuses me；
now I am aloneand yet； God knows； it is not my fault。 Poor Oscar！ Poor
me！ I have never longed to see himsince we met at this placeas I long
now。 He sometimes comes to breakfast。 Will he come to breakfast to…day？
Oh； how my eyes ache！ and how obstinately the mist stops in the room！
Suppose I close the window； and go back to bed again for a little while？
_Nine o'clock。_T