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Greatly to my surprise； Oscar submitted to be treated in this peremptory
manner。 He took his leave of me silently； and left the room。 Grosse drew
a chair close to mine； and sat down by me in a comforting confidential
fatherly way。
〃Now my goot…girls；〃 he said。 〃What have you been fretting yourself about
since I was last in this house？ Open it all； if you please； to Papa
Grosse。 Come begin…begin！〃
I suppose he had exhausted his ill…temper on my aunt and Oscar。 He said
those wordsmore than kindlyalmost tenderly。 His fierce eyes seemed to
soften behind his spectacles； he took my hand and patted it to encourage
me。
There are some things written in these pages of mine which it was； of
course； impossible for me to confide to him。 With those necessary
reservationsand without entering on the painful subject of my altered
relations with Madame PratolungoI owned quite frankly how sadly changed
I felt myself to be towards Oscar； and how much less happy I was with
him； in consequence of the change。 〃I am not ill as you suppose；〃 I
explained。 〃I am only disappointed in myself； and a little downhearted
when I think of the future。〃 Having opened it to him in this way； I
thought it time to put the question which I had determined to ask when I
next saw him。
〃The restoration of my sight；〃 I said； 〃has made a new being of me。 In
gaining the sense of seeing； have I lost the sense of feeling which I had
when I was blind？ I want to know if it will come back when I have got
used to the novelty of my position？ I want to know if I shall ever enjoy
Oscar's society again； as I used to enjoy it in the old days before you
cured methe happy days； Papa…Grosse； when I was an object of pity； and
when all the people spoke of me as Poor Miss Finch？〃
I had more to saybut at this place； Grosse （without meaning it； I am
sure） suddenly stopped me。 To my amazement； he let go of my hand； and
turned his face away sharply； as if he resented my looking at him。 His
big head sank on his breast。 He lifted his great hairy hands； shook them
mournfully； and let them fall on his knees。 This strange behavior and the
still stranger silence which accompanied it； made me so uneasy that I
insisted on his explaining himself。 〃What is the matter with you？〃 I
said。 〃Why don't you answer me？〃
He roused himself with a start； and put his arm round me； with a
wonderful gentleness for a man who was so rough at other times。
〃It is nothing； my pretty lofe；〃 he said。 〃I am out of sort； as you call
it。 Your English climates sometimes gives your English blue devil to
foreign mens like me。 I have got him nowan English blue devil in a
German inside。 Soh！ I shall go and walk him out； and come back
empty…cheerful； and see you again。〃 He rose； after this curious
explanation； and attempted some sort of answera very odd oneto the
question which I had asked of him。 〃As to that odder thing；〃 he went on；
〃yes…indeed…yes。 You have hit your nail on his head。 It is； as you say；
your seeings which has got in the way of your feelings。 When your
seeings…feelings has got used to one anodder； your seeings will stay
where he is； your feelings will come back to where they was； one will
balance the odder； you will feel as you did； you will see as you didn't；
all at the same times； all jolly…nice again as before。 You have my
opinions。 Now let me walk out my blue devil。 I swear to come back again
with a new inside。 By…bye…my…Feench…good…bye。〃
Saying all this in a violent hurry； as if he was eager to get away； he
gave me a kiss on the forehead； snatched up his shabby hat； and ran out
of the room。
What did it mean？
Does he persist in thinking me seriously ill？ I am too weary to puzzle my
brains in the effort to understand my dear old surgeon。 It is one o'clock
in the morning； and I have still to write the story of all that happened
later in the day。 My eyes are beginning to ache； and； strange to say； I
have hardly been able to see the last two or three lines I have written。
They look as if the ink was fading from them。 If Grosse knew what I am
about at this moment！ His last words to me； when he went back to his
patients in London； were：〃No more readings！ no more writings till I
come again！〃 It is all very well to talk in that way。 I have got so used
to my Journal that I can't do without it。 Nevertheless； I must stop
nowfor the best of reasons。 Though I have got three lighted candles on
my table； I really cannot see to write any more。
To bed！ to bed！
＇Note。I have purposely abstained from interrupting Lucilla's Journal
until my extracts from it had reached this place。 Here the writer pauses；
and gives me a chance； and here there are matters that must be mentioned；
of which she had personally no knowledge at the time。
You have seen how her faithful instinct still tries to reveal to my poor
darling the cruel deception that is being practiced on herand still
tries in vain。 In spite of herself； she shrinks from the man who is
tempting her to go away with himthough he pleads in the character of
her betrothed husband。 In spite of herself； she detects the weak places
in the case which Nugent has made out against methe absence of
sufficient motive for the conduct of which he accuses me； and the utter
improbability of my plotting and intriguing （without anything to gain by
it） to make her marry the man who was not the man of her choice。 She
feels these hesitations and difficulties。 But what they really signify it
is morally impossible for her to guess。
Thus far； no doubt； her strange and touching position has been plainly
revealed to you。 But can I feel quite so sure that you understand how
seriously she has been affected by the anxiety； disappointment； and
suspense which have combined together to torture her at this critical
interval in her life？
I doubt it； for the sufficient reason that you have only had her Journal
to enlighten you； and that her Journal shows she does not understand it
herself。 As things are； it seems to be time for me to step on the stage；
and to discover to you plainly what her surgeon really thought of her； by
telling you what passed between Grosse and Nugent； when the German
presented himself at the hotel。
I am writing now （as a matter of course） from information given to me； at
an after…period； by the persons themselves。 As to particulars； the
accounts vary。 As to results； they both agree。
The discovery that Nugent was at Ramsgate necessarily took Grosse by
surprise。 With his previous knowledge； however； of the situation of
affairs at Dimchurch； he could be at no loss to understand in what
character Nugent had presented himself to Lucilla； and he could certainly
not fail to understandafter what he had seen and what she had herself
told himthat the deception was； under present circumstances； producing
the worst possible effect on her mind。 Arriving at this conclusion； he
was not a man to hesitate about the duty that lay before him。 When he
entered the room at the hotel in which Nugent was waiting； he announced
the object of his visit in these four plain words； as follows：
〃Pack up； and go！〃
Nugent coolly offered him a chair； and asked what he meant。
Grosse re