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Batchford to answer my questions。 When I gave it up； he pushed away his
plate； and ate no more。 On the other hand （though generally the most
temperate of men） he drank a great deal of wine； both at dinner and
after。 In the evening； he made so many mistakes in playing cards with my
aunt； that she dismissed him from the game in disgrace。 He sat in a
corner for the rest of the time； pretending to listen while I was playing
the pianoreally lost to me and my music； buried； fathoms deep； in some
uneasy thoughts of his own。
When he took his leave； he whispered these words in my ear； anxiously
pressing my hand while he spoke：
〃I must see you alone to…morrow； before Grosse comes。 Can you manage it？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃When？〃
〃At the stairs on the cliff； at eleven o'clock。〃
On that； he left me。 But one question has pursued me ever since。 Does
Oscar know the writer of the mysterious letter？ I firmly believe he does。
To…morrow will prove whether I am right or wrong。 How I long for
to…morrow to come！
CHAPTER THE FORTY…FOURTH
Lucilla's Journal； continued
_September_ 4th。
I MARK this day as one of the saddest days of my life。 Oscar has shown
Madame Pratolungo to me； in her true colors。 He has reasoned out this
miserable matter with a plainness which it is impossible for me to
resist。 I have thrown away my love and my confidence on a false woman：
there is no sense of honor； no feeling of gratitude or of delicacy in her
nature。 And I once thought herit sickens me to recall it！ I will see
her no more。
＇Note。Did it ever occur to you to be obliged to copy out； with your own
hand； this sort of opinion of your own character？ I can recommend the
sensation produced as something quite new； and the temptation to add a
line or two on your own account to be as nearly as possible beyond mortal
resistance。P。＇
Oscar and I met at the stairs； at eleven o'clock； as we had arranged。
He took me to the west pier。 At that hour of the morning （excepting a few
sailors who paid no heed to us） the place was a solitude。 It was one of
the loveliest days of the season。 When we were tired of pacing to and
fro； we could sit down under the mellow sunshine； and enjoy the balmy sea
air。 In that pure light； with all those lovely colors about us； there was
something； to my mind； horribly and shamefully out of place in the talk
that engrossed ustalk that still turned； hour after hour； on nothing
but plots and lies； cruelty； ingratitude； and deceit！
I managed to ask my first question so as to make him enter on the subject
at oncewithout wasting time in phrases to prepare me for what was to
come。
〃When my aunt mentioned that letter at dinner yesterday；〃 I said； 〃I
fancied that you knew something about it。 Was I right？〃
〃Very nearly right；〃 he answered。 〃I can't say I knew anything about it。
I only suspected that it was the production of an enemy of yours and
mine。〃
〃Not Madame Pratolungo？〃
〃Yes！ Madame Pratolungo。〃
I disagreed with him at the outset。 Madame Pratolungo and my aunt had
quarreled about politics。 Any correspondence between thema confidential
correspondence especiallyseemed to be one of the most unlikely things
that could take place。 I asked Oscar if he could guess what the letter
contained； and why it was not to be given to me until Grosse reported
that I was quite cured。
〃I can't guess at the contentsI can only guess at the object of the
letter；〃 he said。
〃What is it？〃
〃The object which she has had in view from the firstto place every
possible obstacle in the way of my marrying you。〃
〃What interest can she have in doing that？〃
〃My brother's interest。〃
〃Forgive me； Oscar。 I cannot believe it of her。〃
We were walking； while these words were passing between us。 When I said
that； he stopped； and looked at me very earnestly。
〃You believed it of her； when you answered my letter；〃 he said。
I admitted that。
〃I believed your letter；〃 I replied； 〃and I shared your opinion of her as
long as she was in the same house with me。 Her presence fed my anger and
my horror of her in some way that I can't account for。 Now she has left
menow I have had time to thinkthere is something in her absence that
pleads for her； and tortures me with doubts if I have done right。 I can't
explain itI don't understand it。 I only know that so it is。〃
He still looked at me more and more attentively。 〃Your good opinion of
her must have been very firmly rooted to assert itself in this obstinate
manner；〃 he said。 〃What can she have done to deserve it？〃
If I had looked back through all my old recollections of her； and had
recalled them one by one； it would only have ended in making me cry。 And
yet； I felt that I ought to stand up for her as long as I could。 I
managed to meet the difficulty in this way。
〃I will tell you what she did；〃 I said； 〃after I received your letter。
Fortunately for me； she was not very well that morning； and she
breakfasted in bed。 I had plenty of time to compose myself； and to
caution Zillah （who read your letter to me）； before we met for the first
time that day。 On the previous day； I had felt hurt and offended with her
for the manner in which she accounted for your absence from Browndown。 I
thought she was not treating me with the same confidence which I should
have placed in her； if our positions had been reversed。 When I next saw
her； having your warning in my mind； I made my excuses； and said what I
thought she would expect me to say； under the circumstances。 In my
excitement and my wretchedness； I daresay I over…acted my part。 At any
rate； I roused the suspicion in her that something was wrong。 She not
only asked me if anything had happened； she went the length of saying； in
so many words； that she thought she saw a change in me。 I stopped it
there； by declaring that I did not understand her。 She must have seen
that I was not telling the truth： she must have known as well as I knew
that I was concealing something from her。 For all that； not one word more
escaped her lips。 A proud delicacyI saw it as plainly in her face； as I
now see youa proud delicacy silenced her； she looked wounded and hurt。
I have been thinking of that look； since I have been here。 I have asked
myself （what did not occur to me at the time） if a false woman； who knew
herself to be guilty； would have behaved in that way？ Surely a false
woman would have set her wits against mine； and have tried to lead me
into betraying to her what discoveries I had really made？ Oscar！ that
delicate silence； that wounded look； _will_ plead for her when I think of
her in her absence！ I can _not_ feel as satisfied as I once did； that she
is the abominable creature you declare her to be。 I know you are
incapable of deceiving meI know you believe what you say。 But is it not
possible that appearances have misled you？ Can you really be sure that
you have not made some dreadful mistake？〃
Without answering me； he suddenly stopped at a seat under the stone
parapet of the pier； and signed to me to sit down by him。 I obeyed。
Instead of looking at me； he kept his head turned away； looking out over
the sea。 I could not make him out。 He perplexedhe almost alarmed me。
〃Have