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perhaps considerable loss of life。
Expediency therefore concurs with Nature in stamping the seal of its
approval upon Regularity of conformation： nor has the Law been
backward in seconding their efforts。 〃Irregularity of Figure〃 means with us
the same as； or more than； a combination of moral obliquity and
criminality with you； and is treated accordingly。 There are not wanting； it
is true； some promulgators of paradoxes who maintain that there is no
necessary connection between geometrical and moral Irregularity。 〃The
Irregular；〃 they say； 〃is from his birth scouted by his own parents； derided
by his brothers and sisters； neglected by the domestics； scorned and
suspected by society； and excluded from all posts of responsibility； trust；
and useful activity。 His every movement is jealously watched by the police
till he comes of age and presents himself for inspection； then he is either
destroyed； if he is found to exceed the fixed margin of deviation； at an
uninteresting occupation for a miserable stipend； obliged to live and board
at the office； and to take even his vacation under close supervision； what
wonder that human nature； even in the best and purest； is embittered and
perverted by such surroundings！〃
All this very plausible reasoning does not convince me； as it has not
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convinced the wisest of our Statesmen； that our ancestors erred in laying it
down as an axiom of policy that the toleration of Irregularity is
incompatible with the safety of the State。 Doubtless； the life of an Irregular
is hard； but the interests of the Greater Number require that it shall be hard。
If a man with a triangular front and a polygonal back were allowed to exist
and to propagate a still more Irregular posterity； what would become of the
arts of life？ Are the houses and doors and churches in Flatland to be
altered in order to accommodate such monsters？ Are our ticket…collectors
to be required to measure every man's perimeter before they allow him to
enter a theatre； or to take his place in a lecture room？ Is an Irregular to be
exempted from the militia？ And if not； how is he to be prevented from
carrying desolation into the ranks of his comrades？ Again； what irresistible
temptations to fraudulent impostures must needs beset such a creature！
How easy for him to enter a shop with his polygonal front foremost； and to
order goods to any extent from a confiding tradesman！ Let the advocates
of a falsely called Philanthropy plead as they may for the abrogation of the
Irregular Penal Laws； I for my part have never known an Irregular who
was not also what Nature evidently intended him to bea hypocrite； a
misanthropist； and； up to the limits of his power； a perpetrator of all
manner of mischief。
Not that I should be disposed to recommend （at present） the extreme
measures adopted by some States； where an infant whose angle deviates
by half a degree from the correct angularity is summarily destroyed at
birth。 Some of our highest and ablest men； men of real genius； have during
their earliest days laboured under deviations as great as； or even greater
than forty…five minutes： and the loss of their precious lives would have
been an irreparable injury to the State。 The art of healing also has achieved
some of its most glorious triumphs in the compressions； extensions；
trepannings； colligations； and other surgical or diaetetic operations by
which Irregularity has been partly or wholly cured。 Advocating therefore a
VIA MEDIA； I would lay down no fixed or absolute line of demarcation；
but at the period when the frame is just beginning to set； and when the
Medical Board has reported that recovery is improbably； I would suggest
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that the Irregular offspring be painlessly and mercifully consumed。
SECTION 8 Of the Ancient Practice of Painting
If my Readers have followed me with any attention up to this point；
they will not be surprised to hear that life is somewhat dull in Flatland。 I
do not； of course； mean that there are not battles； conspiracies； tumults；
factions； and all those other phenomena which are supposed to make
History interesting； nor would I deny that the strange mixture of the
problems of life and the problems of Mathematics； continually inducing
conjecture and giving an opportunity of immediate verification； imparts to
our existence a zest which you in Spaceland can hardly comprehend。 I
speak now from the aesthetic and artistic point of view when I say that life
with us is dull； aesthetically and artistically； very dull indeed。
How can it be otherwise； when all one's prospect； all one's landscapes；
historical pieces； portraits； flowers； still life； are nothing but a single line；
with no varieties except degrees of brightness and obscurity？
It was not always thus。 Colour； if Tradition speaks the truth； once for
the space of half a dozen centuries or more； threw a transient splendour
over the lives of our ancestors in the remotest ages。 Some private
individuala Pentagon whose name is variously reported having casually
discovered the constituents of the simpler colours and a rudimentary
method of painting； is said to have begun by decorating first his house；
then his slaves； then his Father； his Sons； and Grandsons； lastly himself。
The convenience as well as the beauty of the results commended
themselves to all。 Wherever Chromatistes；for by that name the most
trustworthy authorities concur in calling him；turned his variegated frame；
there he at once excited attention； and attracted respect。 No one now
needed to 〃feel〃 him； no one mistook his front for his back； all his
movements were readily ascertained by his neighbours without the
slightest strain on their powers of calculation； no one jostled him； or failed
to make way for him； his voice was saved the labour of that exhausting
utterance by which we colourless Squares and Pentagons are of