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stated； is a uncle by marrige only； who is a low cuss and filled
his coat pockets with pies and biled eggs at his weddin
breakfast； given to him by my father； and made the clergyman as
united him a present of my father's new overcoat； and when my
father on discoverin' it got in a rage and denounced him； Uncle
Wilyim said the old man （meanin my parent） hadn't any idee of
first class Humer！with the exception of this wretched Uncle the
escutchin of my fam'ly has never been stained by Games。 The
little harmless deceptions I resort to in my perfeshion I do not
call Games。 They are sacrifisses to Art。
I come of a very clever fam'ly。
The Wards is a very clever fam'ly indeed。
I believe we are descendid from the Puritins； who nobly fled from
a land of despitism to a land of freedim； where they could not
only enjoy their own religion； but prevent everybody else from
enjoyin HIS。
As I said before； we are a very clever fam'ly。
I was strolling up Regent Street the other day； thinkin what a
clever fam'ly I come of； and looking at the gay shop…winders。
I've got some new close since you last saw me。 I saw them others
wouldn't do。 They carrid the observer too far back into the dim
vister of the past； and I gave 'em to a Orfun Asylum。 The close
I wear now I bo't of Mr。 Moses； in the Commercial Road。 They was
expressly made； Mr。 Moses inforemd me； for a nobleman； but as
they fitted him too muchly； partic'ly the trows'rs （which is
blue； with large red and white checks） he had said：
〃My dear feller； make me some more； only mindbe sure you sell
these to some genteel old feller。〃
I like to saunter thro' Regent Street。 The shops are pretty； and
it does the old man's hart good to see the troops of fine healthy
girls which one may always see there at certain hours in the
afternoon； who don't spile their beauty by devourin cakes and
sugar things； as too many of the American and French lasses do。
It's a mistake about everybody being out of town； I guess。
Regent Street is full。 I'm here； and as I said before； I come of
a very clever fam'ly。
As I was walkin along； amoosin myself by stickin my penknife into
the calves of the footmen who stood waitin by the swell…coaches
（not one of whom howled with angwish）； I was accosted by a man of
about thirty…five summers； who said； 〃I have seen that face
somewheres afore！〃
He was a little shabby in his wearin apparil。 His coat was one
of those black； shiny garments； which you can always tell have
been burnished by adversity； but he was very gentlemanly。
〃Was it in the Crimea； comrade？ Yes； it was。 It was at the
stormin of Sebastopol； where I had a narrow escape from death；
that we met。〃
I said； 〃No； I wasn't at Sebastopol； I escaped a fatal wound by
not bein there。 It was a healthy old fortress；〃 I added。
〃It was。 But it fell。 It came down with a crash。〃
〃And plucky boys they was who brought her down；〃 I added； 〃and
hurrah for 'em！〃
The man graspt me warmly by the hand； and said he had been in
America； Upper Canada； Africa； Asia Minor； and other towns； and
he'd never met a man he liked as much as he did me。
〃Let us；〃 he added； 〃let us to the shrine of Bachus！〃
And he dragged me into a public house。 I was determined to pay；
so I said； 〃Mr。 Bachus； giv this gen'l'man what he calls for。〃
We conversed there in a very pleasant manner till my dinner…time
arrove； when the agreeable gentleman insisted that I should dine
with him。 〃We'll have a banquet； Sir； fit for the gods！〃
I told him good plain vittles would soot me。 If the gods wanted
to have the dispepsy； they was welcome to it。
We had soop and fish； and a hot jint； and growsis； and wines of
rare and costly vintige。 We had ices； and we had froots from
Greenland's icy mountins and Injy's coral strands； and when the
sumptoous reparst was over； the agree'ble man said he'd
unfortnitly left his pocket…book at home on the marble centre…
table。
〃But； by Jove！〃 he said； 〃it was a feast fit for the gods！〃
I said； 〃Oh； never mind；〃 and drew out my puss； tho' I in'ardly
wished the gods； as the dinner was fit for 'em； was there to pay
for it。
I come of a very clever fam'ly。
The agree'ble gentleman then said； 〃Now； I will show you our
Club。 It dates back to the time of William the Conquerer。〃
〃Did Bill belong to it？〃 I inquired。
〃He did。〃
〃Wall；〃 I said； 〃if Billy was one of 'em； I need no other
endorsement as to its respectfulness； and I'll go with you； my
gay trooper boy！〃 And we went off arm…in…arm。
On the way the agree'ble man told me that the Club was called the
Sloshers。 He said I would notice that none of 'em appeared in
evenin dress。 He said it was agin the rools of the club。 In
fack； if any member appeared there in evenin dress he'd be
instantly expeld。 〃And yit；〃 he added； 〃there's geneyus there；
and lorfty emotions； and intelleck。 You'll be surprised at the
quantities of intelleck you'll see there。〃
We reached the Sloshers in due time； and I must say they was a
shaky…looking lot； and the public house where they convened was
certingly none of the best。
The Sloshers crowded round me； and said I was welcome。
〃What a beautiful brest…pin you've got；〃 said one of 'em。
〃Permit me；〃 and he took it out of my neckercher。 〃Isn't it
luvly；〃 he said； parsin it to another； who parsed it to another。
It was given me by my Aunt； on my promisin her I'd never swear
profanely； and I never have； except on very special occasions。 I
see that beautiful boosum pin a parsin from one Slosher to
another； and I'm reminded of them sad words of the poit； 〃parsin
away！ parsin away！〃 I never saw it no more。
Then in comes a athletic female； who no sooner sees me than she
utters a wild yell； and cries：
〃At larst！ at larst！ My Wilyim； from the seas！〃
I said； 〃not at all； Marm。 Not on no account。 I have heard the
boatswain pipe to quartersbut a voice in my heart didn't
whisper Seu…zan！ I've belayed the marlin…spikes on the upper
jibpoop； but Seu…zan's eye wasn't on me； much。 Young woman； I
am not you're Saler boy。 Far different。〃
〃Oh yes； you are！〃 she howled； seizin me round the neck。 〃Oh；
how I've lookt forwards to this meetin！〃
〃And you'll presently；〃 I said； 〃have a opportunity of lookin
backwards to it； because I'm on the point of leavin this
institution。〃
I will here observe that I come of a very clever family。 A very
clever fam'ly； indeed。
〃Where；〃 I cried； as I struggled in vain to release myself from
the eccentric female's claws； 〃where is the Captingthe man who
was into the Crimea； amidst the cannon's thunder？ I want him。〃
He came forward； and cried； 〃What do I see？ Me Sister！ me sweet
Adulaide！ and in teers！ Willin！〃 he screamed； 〃and you're the
serpent I took to my boosum； and borrowed money of； and went
round with； and was cheerful with； are you？You ought to be
ashamed of yourself。〃
Somehow my coat was jerked off； the brest…pocket of which
contained my pocket…book； and it parsed away like the brest pin。
Then they sorter quietly hustled me into the street。
It was about 12 at night when I reached the Green Lion。
〃Ha！ ha！ you sly old rascal； you've been up t