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a personal record-第4章

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look benignantly on humble believers; I indulge in the pleasant



fancy that the shade of old Flaubertwho imagined himself to be



(among other things) a descendant of Vikingsmight have hovered



with amused interest over the docks of a 2;000…ton steamer called



the Adowa; on board of which; gripped by the inclement winter



alongside a quay in Rouen; the tenth chapter of 〃Almayer's Folly〃



was begun。  With interest; I say; for was not the kind Norman



giant with enormous mustaches and a thundering voice the last of



the Romantics?  Was he not; in his unworldly; almost ascetic;



devotion to his art; a sort of literary; saint…like hermit?







〃'It has set at last;' said Nina to her mother; pointing to the



hills behind which the sun had sunk。〃 。 。 。  These words of



Almayer's romantic daughter I remember tracing on the gray paper



of a pad which rested on the blanket of my bed…place。  They



referred to a sunset in Malayan Isles and shaped themselves in my



mind; in a hallucinated vision of forests and rivers and seas;



far removed from a commercial and yet romantic town of the



northern hemisphere。  But at that moment the mood of visions and



words was cut short by the third officer; a cheerful and casual



youth; coming in with a bang of the door and the exclamation:



〃You've made it jolly warm in here。〃







It was warm。  I had turned on the steam heater after placing a



tin under the leaky water…cockfor perhaps you do not know that



water will leak where steam will not。  I am not aware of what my



young friend had been doing on deck all that morning; but the



hands he rubbed together vigorously were very red and imparted to



me a chilly feeling by their mere aspect。  He has remained the



only banjoist of my acquaintance; and being also a younger son of



a retired colonel; the poem of Mr。 Kipling; by a strange



aberration of associated ideas; always seems to me to have been



written with an exclusive view to his person。  When he did not



play the banjo he loved to sit and look at it。  He proceeded to



this sentimental inspection; and after meditating a while over



the strings under my silent scrutiny inquired; airily:







〃What are you always scribbling there; if it's fair to ask?〃







It was a fair enough question; but I did not answer him; and



simply turned the pad over with a movement of instinctive



secrecy: I could not have told him he had put to flight the



psychology of Nina Almayer; her opening speech of the tenth



chapter; and the words of Mrs。 Almayer's wisdom which were to



follow in the ominous oncoming of a tropical night。  I could not



have told him that Nina had said; 〃It has set at last。〃  He would



have been extremely surprised and perhaps have dropped his



precious banjo。  Neither could I have told him that the sun of my



sea…going was setting; too; even as I wrote the words expressing



the impatience of passionate youth bent on its desire。  I did not



know this myself; and it is safe to say he would not have cared;



though he was an excellent young fellow and treated me with more



deference than; in our relative positions; I was strictly



entitled to。







He lowered a tender gaze on his banjo; and I went on looking



through the port…hole。  The round opening framed in its brass rim



a fragment of the quays; with a row of casks ranged on the frozen



ground and the tail end of a great cart。  A red…nosed carter in a



blouse and a woollen night…cap leaned against the wheel。  An



idle; strolling custom house guard; belted over his blue capote;



had the air of being depressed by exposure to the weather and the



monotony of official existence。  The background of grimy houses



found a place in the picture framed by my port…hole; across a



wide stretch of paved quay brown with frozen mud。  The colouring



was sombre; and the most conspicuous feature was a little cafe



with curtained windows and a shabby front of white woodwork;



corresponding with the squalor of these poorer quarters bordering



the river。  We had been shifted down there from another berth in



the neighbourhood of the Opera House; where that same port…hole



gave me a view of quite another soft of cafethe best in the



town; I believe; and the very one where the worthy Bovary and his



wife; the romantic daughter of old Pere Renault; had some



refreshment after the memorable performance of an opera which was



the tragic story of Lucia di Lammermoor in a setting of light



music。







I could recall no more the hallucination of the Eastern



Archipelago which I certainly hoped to see again。  The story of



〃Almayer's Folly〃 got put away under the pillow for that day。  I



do not know that I had any occupation to keep me away from it;



the truth of the matter is that on board that ship we were



leading just then a contemplative life。  I will not say anything



of my privileged position。  I was there 〃just to oblige;〃 as an



actor of standing may take a small part in the benefit



performance of a friend。







As far as my feelings were concerned I did not wish to be in that



steamer at that time and in those circumstances。  And perhaps I



was not even wanted there in the usual sense in which a ship



〃wants〃 an officer。  It was the first and last instance in my sea



life when I served ship…owners who have remained completely



shadowy to my apprehension。  I do not mean this for the



well…known firm of London ship…brokers which had chartered the



ship to the; I will not say short…lived; but ephemeral



Franco…Canadian Transport Company。  A death leaves something



behind; but there was never anything tangible left from the F。 C。



T。 C。  It flourished no longer than roses live; and unlike the



roses it blossomed in the dead of winter; emitted a sort of faint



perfume of adventure; and died before spring set in。  But



indubitably it was a company; it had even a house…flag; all white



with the letters F。 C。 T。 C。 artfully tangled up in a complicated



monogram。  We flew it at our mainmast head; and now I have come



to the conclusion that it was the only flag of its kind in



existence。  All the same we on board; for many days; had the



impression of being a unit of a large fleet with fortnightly



departures for Montreal and Quebec as advertised in pamphlets and



prospectuses which came aboard in a large package in Victoria



Dock; London; just before we started for Rouen; France。  And in



the shadowy life of the F。 C。 T。 C。 lies the secret of that; my



last employment in my calling; which in a remote sense



interrupted the rhythmical development of Nina Almayer's story。







The then secretary of the London Shipmasters' So
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