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a personal record-第26章

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bridge; I had only to beckon from the doorway to Almayer; who had



remained aft; with downcast eyes; on the very spot where I had



left him。  He strolled up moodily; shook hands; and at once asked



permission to shut the cabin door。







〃I have a pretty story to tell you;〃 were the last words I heard。







The bitterness of tone was remarkable。







I went away from the door; of course。  For the moment I had no



crew on board; only the Chinaman carpenter; with a canvas bag



hung round his neck and a hammer in his hand; roamed about the



empty decks; knocking out the wedges of the hatches and dropping



them into the bag conscientiously。  Having nothing to do I joined



our two engineers at the door of the engine…room。  It was near



breakfast…time。







〃He's turned up early; hasn't he?〃 commented the second engineer;



and smiled indifferently。  He was an abstemious man; with a good



digestion and a placid; reasonable view of life even when hungry。







〃Yes;〃 I said。  〃Shut up with the old man。  Some very particular



business。〃







〃He will spin him a damned endless yarn;〃 observed the chief



engineer。







He smiled rather sourly。  He was dyspeptic; and suffered from



gnawing hunger in the morning。  The second smiled broadly; a



smile that made two vertical folds on his shaven cheeks。  And I



smiled; too; but I was not exactly amused。  In that man; whose



name apparently could not be uttered anywhere in the Malay



Archipelago without a smile; there was nothing amusing whatever。 



That morning he breakfasted with us silently; looking mostly into



his cup。  I informed him that my men came upon his pony capering



in the fog on the very brink of the eight…foot…deep well in which



he kept his store of guttah。  The cover was off; with no one near



by; and the whole of my crew just missed going heels over head



into that beastly hole。  Jurumudi Itam; our best quartermaster;



deft at fine needlework; he who mended the ship's flags and sewed



buttons on our coats; was disabled by a kick on the shoulder。







Both remorse and gratitude seemed foreign to Almayer's character。







He mumbled:







〃Do you mean that pirate fellow?〃







〃What pirate fellow?  The man has been in the ship eleven years;〃



I said; indignantly。







〃It's his looks;〃 Almayer muttered; for all apology。







The sun had eaten up the fog。  From where we sat under the



after…awning we could see in the distance the pony tied up; in



front of Almayer's house; to a post of the veranda。  We were



silent for a long time。  All at once Almayer; alluding evidently



to the subject of his conversation in the captain's cabin;



exclaimed anxiously across the table:







〃I really don't know what I can do now!〃







Captain C only raised his eyebrows at him; and got up from



his chair。  We dispersed to our duties; but Almayer; half dressed



as he was in his cretonne pajamas and the thin cotton singlet;



remained on board; lingering near the gangway; as though he could



not make up his mind whether to go home or stay with us for good。







Our Chinamen boys gave him side glances as they went to and fro;



and Ah Sing; our chief steward; the handsomest and most



sympathetic of Chinamen; catching my eye; nodded knowingly at his



burly back。  In the course of the morning I approached him for a



moment。







〃Well; Mr。 Almayer;〃 I addressed him; easily; 〃you haven't



started on your letters yet。〃







We had brought him his mail; and he had held the bundle in his



hand ever since we got up from breakfast。  He glanced at it when



I spoke; and for a moment it looked as if he were on the point of



opening his fingers and letting the whole lot fall overboard。  I



believe he was tempted to do so。  I shall never forget that man



afraid of his letters。







〃Have you been long out from Europe?〃 he asked me。







〃Not very。  Not quite eight months;〃 I told him。  〃I left a ship



in Samarang with a hurt back; and have been in the hospital in



Singapore some weeks。〃







He sighed。







〃Trade is very bad here。〃







〃Indeed!〃







〃Hopeless! 。 。 。  See these geese?〃







With the hand holding the letters he pointed out to me what



resembled a patch of snow creeping and swaying across the distant



part of his compound。  It disappeared behind some bushes。







〃The only geese on the East Coast;〃 Almayer informed me; in a



perfunctory mutter without a spark of faith; hope; or pride。



Thereupon; with the same absence of any sort of sustaining



spirit; he declared his intention to select a fat bird and send



him on board for us not later than next day。







I had heard of these largesses before。  He conferred a goose as



if it were a sort of court decoration given only to the tried



friends of the house。  I had expected more pomp in the ceremony。 



The gift had surely its special quality; multiple and rare。  From



the only flock on the East Coast!  He did not make half enough of



it。  That man did not understand his opportunities。  However; I



thanked him at some length。







〃You see;〃 he interrupted; abruptly; in a very peculiar tone;



〃the worst of this country is that one is not able to realize 。 。



。 it's impossible to realize。 。 。 。〃  His voice sank into a



languid mutter。  〃And when one has very large interests 。 。 。



very important interests 。 。 。〃 he finished; faintly 。 。 。 〃up



the river。〃







We looked at each other。  He astonished me by giving a start and



making a very queer grimace。







〃Well; I must be off;〃 he burst out; hurriedly。  〃So long!〃







At the moment of stepping over the gang way he checked himself;



though; to give me a mumbled invitation to dine at his house that



evening with my captain; an invitation which I accepted。  I don't



think it could have been possible for me to refuse。







I like the worthy folk who will talk to you of the exercise of



free…will; 〃at any rate for practical purposes。〃  Free; is it? 



For practical purposes!  Bosh!  How could I have refused to dine



with that man?  I did not refuse; simply because I could not



refuse。  Curiosity; a healthy desire for a change of cooking;



common civility; the talk and the smiles of the previous twenty



days; every condition of my existence at that moment and place



made irresistibly for acceptance; and; crowning all that; there



was the ignorancethe ignorance; I saythe fatal want of fore



knowledge to counterbalance these imperative conditions of the



problem。  A refusal would have appeared perverse and insane。



Nobody
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