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The Bab Ballads
vizor on his face and with a hatchet in his hand； And all the people noticed
that the Engine of the Law Was far less like a hatchet than a dissipated
saw。
The felon very coolly loosed his collar and his stock； And placed his
wicked head upon the handy little block。 The hatchet was uplifted for to
settle PETER GRAY； When GILBERT plainly heard a woman's voice
exclaiming； 〃Stay！〃
'Twas ANNIE； gentle ANNIE； as you'll easily believe。 〃O GILBERT；
you must spare him； for I bring him a reprieve； It came from our Home
Secretary many weeks ago； And passed through that post…office which I
used to keep at Bow。
〃I loved you； loved you madly； and you know it； GILBERT CLAY；
And as I'd quite surrendered all idea of PETER GRAY； I quietly
suppressed it； as you'll clearly understand； For I thought it might be
awkward if he came and claimed my hand。
〃In anger at my secret （which I could not tell before）； To lacerate poor
PETER GRAY vindictively you swore； I told you if you used that blunted
axe you'd rue the day； And so you will； young GILBERT； for I'll marry
PETER GRAY！〃
＇AND SO SHE DID。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： An Unfortunate Likeness
I've painted SHAKESPEARE all my life … 〃An infant〃 （even then at
〃play〃！） 〃A boy；〃 with stage…ambition rife； Then 〃Married to ANN
HATHAWAY。〃
〃The bard's first ticket night〃 （or 〃ben。〃）； His 〃First appearance on the
stage；〃 His 〃Call before the curtain〃 … then 〃Rejoicings when he came of
age。〃
The bard play…writing in his room； The bard a humble lawyer's clerk。
The bard a lawyer （1） … parson （2） … groom （3） … The bard deer…stealing；
after dark。
The bard a tradesman （4） … and a Jew （5） … The bard a botanist （6） … a
beak （7） … The bard a skilled musician （8） too … A sheriff （9） and a surgeon
（10） eke！
Yet critics say （a friendly stock） That； though it's evident I try； Yet
even I can barely mock The glimmer of his wondrous eye！
One morning as a work I framed； There passed a person； walking hard：
〃My gracious goodness；〃 I exclaimed； 〃How very like my dear old bard！
〃Oh； what a model he would make！〃 I rushed outside … impulsive me！ …
〃Forgive the liberty I take； But you're so very〃 … 〃Stop！〃 said he。
〃You needn't waste your breath or time； … I know what you are going to
say； … That you're an artist； and that I'm Remarkably like SHAKESPEARE。
Eh？
〃You wish that I would sit to you？〃 I clasped him madly round the
waist； And breathlessly replied； 〃I do！〃 〃All right；〃 said he； 〃but please
make haste。〃
I led him by his hallowed sleeve； And worked away at him apace； I
painted him till dewy eve； … There never was a nobler face！
〃Oh； sir；〃 I said； 〃a fortune grand Is yours； by dint of merest chance； …
To sport HIS brow at second…hand； To wear HIS cast…off countenance！
〃To rub HIS eyes whene'er they ache … To wear HIS baldness ere
you're old … To clean HIS teeth when you awake … To blow HIS nose when
you've a cold！〃
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The Bab Ballads
His eyeballs glistened in his eyes … I sat and watched and smoked my
pipe； 〃Bravo！〃 I said； 〃I recognize The phrensy of your prototype！〃
His scanty hair he wildly tore： 〃That's right；〃 said I； 〃it shows your
breed。〃 He danced … he stamped … he wildly swore … 〃Bless me； that's very
fine indeed！〃
〃Sir；〃 said the grand Shakesperian boy （Continuing to blaze away）；
〃You think my face a source of joy； That shows you know not what you
say。
〃Forgive these yells and cellar…flaps： I'm always thrown in some such
state When on his face well…meaning chaps This wretched man
congratulate。
〃For； oh！ this face … this pointed chin … This nose … this brow … these
eyeballs too； Have always been the origin Of all the woes I ever knew！
〃If to the play my way I find； To see a grand Shakesperian piece； I
have no rest； no ease of mind Until the author's puppets cease。
〃Men nudge each other … thus … and say； 'This certainly is
SHAKESPEARE'S son；' And merry wags （of course in play） Cry 'Author！'
when the piece is done。
〃In church the people stare at me； Their soul the sermon never binds； I
catch them looking round to see； And thoughts of SHAKESPEARE fill
their minds。
〃And sculptors； fraught with cunning wile； Who find it difficult to
crown A bust with BROWN'S insipid smile； Or TOMKINS'S unmannered
frown；
〃Yet boldly make my face their own； When （oh； presumption！） they
require To animate a paving…stone With SHAKESPEARE'S intellectual
fire。
〃At parties where young ladies gaze； And I attempt to speak my joy；
'Hush； pray；' some lovely creature says； 'The fond illusion don't destroy！'
〃Whene'er I speak； my soul is wrung With these or some such
whisperings： ''Tis pity that a SHAKESPEARE'S tongue Should say such
un…Shakesperian things！'
〃I should not thus be criticised Had I a face of common wont： Don't
envy me … now； be advised！〃 And； now I think of it； I don't！
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Ballad： Gregory Parable； LL。D。
A leafy cot； where no dry rot Had ever been by tenant seen； Where ivy
clung and wopses stung； Where beeses hummed and drummed and
strummed； Where treeses grew and breezes blew … A thatchy roof； quite
waterproof； Where countless herds of dicky…birds Built twiggy beds to lay
their heads （My mother begs I'll make it 〃eggs；〃 But though it's true that
dickies do Construct a nest with chirpy noise； With view to rest their eggy
joys； 'Neath eavy sheds； yet eggs and beds； As I explain to her in vain Five
hundred times； are faulty rhymes）。 'Neath such a cot； built on a plot Of
freehold land； dwelt MARY and Her worthy father； named by me
GREGORY PARABLE； LL。D。
He knew no guile； this simple man； No worldly wile； or plot； or plan；
Except that plot of freehold land That