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divers gifts that divers men Brought o'er the sea to BAILEY BEN。
HIS CONFIDANT
A confidant had BAILEY B。； A gay Mongolian dog was he； I am not
good at Turkish names； And so I call him SIMPLE JAMES。
HIS CONFIDANT'S COUNTENANCE
A dreadful legend you might trace In SIMPLE JAMES'S honest face；
For there you read； in Nature's print； 〃A Scoundrel of the Deepest Tint。〃
HIS CHARACTER
A deed of blood； or fire； or flames； Was meat and drink to SIMPLE
JAMES： To hide his guilt he did not plan； But owned himself a bad young
man。
THE AUTHOR TO HIS READER
And why on earth good BAILEY BEN （The wisest； noblest； best of
men） Made SIMPLE JAMES his right…hand man Is quite beyond my
mental span。
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THE SAME； CONTINUED
But there … enough of gruesome deeds！ My heart； in thinking of them；
bleeds； And so let SIMPLE JAMES take wing； … 'Tis not of him I'm going
to sing。
THE PASHA'S CLERK
Good PASHA BAILEY kept a clerk （For BAILEY only made his
mark）； His name was MATTHEW WYCOMBE COO； A man of nearly
forty…two。
HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS
No person that I ever knew Could 〃yodel〃 half as well as COO； And
Highlanders exclaimed； 〃Eh； weel！〃 When COO began to dance a reel。
HIS KINDNESS TO THE PASHA'S WIVES
He used to dance and sing and play In such an unaffected way； He
cheered the unexciting lives Of PASHA BAILEY'S lovely wives。
THE AUTHOR TO HIS READER
But why should I encumber you With histories of MATTHEW COO？
Let MATTHEW COO at once take wing； … 'Tis not of COO I'm going to
sing。
THE AUTHOR'S MUSE
Let me recall my wandering Muse； She SHALL be steady if I choose …
She roves； instead of helping me To tell the deeds of BAILEY B。
THE PASHA'S VISITOR
One morning knocked； at half…past eight； A tall Red Indian at his gate。
In Turkey； as you're p'raps aware； Red Indians are extremely rare。
THE VISITOR'S OUTFIT
Mocassins decked his graceful legs； His eyes were black； and round as
eggs； And on his neck； instead of beads； Hung several Catawampous
seeds。
WHAT THE VISITOR SAID
〃Ho； ho！〃 he said； 〃thou pale…faced one； Poor offspring of an Eastern
sun； You've NEVER seen the Red Man skip Upon the banks of Mississip！〃
THE AUTHOR'S MODERATION
To say that BAILEY oped his eyes Would feebly paint his great
surprise … To say it almost made him die Would be to paint it much too
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high。
THE AUTHOR TO HIS READER
But why should I ransack my head To tell you all that Indian said；
We'll let the Indian man take wing； … 'Tis not of him I'm going to sing。
THE READER TO THE AUTHOR
Come； come； I say； that's quite enough Of this absurd disjointed stuff；
Now let's get on to that affair About LIEUTENANT…COLONEL FLARE。
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Ballad： Lieutenant…Colonel Flare
The earth has armies plenty； And semi…warlike bands； I dare say there
are twenty In European lands； But； oh！ in no direction You'd find one to
compare In brotherly affection With that of COLONEL FLARE。
His soldiers might be rated As military Pearls。 As unsophisticated As
pretty little girls！ They never smoked or ratted； Or talked of Sues or Polls；
The Sergeant…Major tatted； The others nursed their dolls。
He spent his days in teaching These truly solemn facts； There's little
use in preaching； Or circulating tracts。 （The vainest plan invented For
stifling other creeds； Unless it's supplemented With charitable DEEDS。）
He taught his soldiers kindly To give at Hunger's call： 〃Oh； better far
give blindly； Than never give at all！ Though sympathy be kindled By
Imposition's game； Oh； better far be swindled Than smother up its flame！〃
His means were far from ample For pleasure or for dress； Yet note this
bright example Of single…heartedness： Though ranking as a Colonel； His
pay was but a groat； While their reward diurnal Was … each a five…pound
note。
Moreover； … this evinces His kindness； you'll allow； … He fed them all
like princes； And lived himself on cow。 He set them all regaling On
curious wines； and dear； While he would sit pale…ale…ing； Or quaffing
ginger…beer。
Then at his instigation （A pretty fancy this） Their daily pay and ration
He'd take in change for his； They brought it to him weekly； And he
without a groan； Would take it from them meekly And give them all his
own！
Though not exactly knighted As knights； of course； should be； Yet no
one so delighted In harmless chivalry。 If peasant girl or ladye Beneath
misfortunes sank； Whate'er distinctions made he； They were not those of
rank。
No maiden young and comely Who wanted good advice （However
poor or homely） Need ask him for it twice。 He'd wipe away the blindness
That comes of teary dew； His sympathetic kindness No sort of limit knew。
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He always hated dealing With men who schemed or planned； A person
harsh … unfeeling … The Colonel could not stand。 He hated cold； suspecting；
Official men in blue； Who pass their lives detecting The crimes that others
do。
For men who'd shoot a sparrow； Or immolate a worm Beneath a
farmer's harrow； He could not find a term。 Humanely； ay； and knightly He
dealt with such an one； He took and tied him tightly； And blew him from a
gun。
The earth has armies plenty； And semi…warlike bands； I'm certain there
are twenty In European lands； But； oh！ in no direction You'd find one to
compare In brotherly affection With that of COLONEL FLARE。
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Ballad： Lost Mr。 Blake
MR。 BLAKE was a regular out…and…out hardened sinner； Who was
quite out of the pale of Christianity； so to speak； He was in the habit of
smoking a long pipe and drinking a glass of grog on a Sunday after dinner；
And seldom thought of going to church more than twice or … if Good
Friday or Christmas Day happened to come in it … three times a week。
H