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and cakes； and fowls； and beer； and halfpenny dips； And beef for the
generous mess； where the officers dine at nights； And fine fresh
peppermint drops for the rollicking midshipmites。
Of all the kind commanders who anchored in Portsmouth Bay； By far
the sweetest of all was kind LIEUTENANT BELAYE。' LIEUTENANT
BELAYE commanded the gunboat HOT CROSS BUN； She was seven
and thirty feet in length； and she carried a gun。
With a laudable view of enhancing his country's naval pride； When
people inquired her size； LIEUTENANT BELAYE replied； 〃Oh； my ship；
my ship is the first of the Hundred and Seventy… ones！〃 Which meant her
tonnage； but people imagined it meant her guns。
Whenever I went on board he would beckon me down below； 〃Come
down； Little Buttercup； come〃 （for he loved to call me so）； And he'd tell of
the fights at sea in which he'd taken a part； And so LIEUTENANT
BELAYE won poor POLL PINEAPPLE'S heart！
But at length his orders came； and he said one day； said he； 〃I'm
ordered to sail with the HOT CROSS BUN to the German Sea。〃 And the
Portsmouth maidens wept when they learnt the evil day； For every
Portsmouth maid loved good LIEUTENANT BELAYE。
And I went to a back back street； with plenty of cheap cheap shops；
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And I bought an oilskin hat and a second…hand suit of slops； And I went to
LIEUTENANT BELAYE （and he never suspected ME！） And I entered
myself as a chap as wanted to go to sea。
We sailed that afternoon at the mystic hour of one； … Remarkably nice
young men were the crew of the HOT CROSS BUN； I'm sorry to say that
I've heard that sailors sometimes swear； But I never yet heard a BUN say
anything wrong； I declare。
When Jack Tars meet； they meet with a 〃Messmate； ho！ What
cheer？〃 But here； on the HOT CROSS BUN； it was 〃How do you do； my
dear？〃 When Jack Tars growl； I believe they growl with a big big D… But
the strongest oath of the HOT CROSS BUNS was a mild 〃Dear me！〃
Yet； though they were all well…bred； you could scarcely call them slick：
Whenever a sea was on； they were all extremely sick； And whenever the
weather was calm； and the wind was light and fair； They spent more time
than a sailor should on his back back hair。
They certainly shivered and shook when ordered aloft to run； And they
screamed when LIEUTENANT BELAYE discharged his only gun。 And as
he was proud of his gun … such pride is hardly wrong … The Lieutenant was
blazing away at intervals all day long。
They all agreed very well； though at times you heard it said That BILL
had a way of his own of making his lips look red … That JOE looked quite
his age … or somebody might declare That BARNACLE'S long pig…tail was
never his own own hair。
BELAYE would admit that his men were of no great use to him； 〃But；
then；〃 he would say； 〃there is little to do on a gunboat trim I can hand； and
reef； and steer； and fire my big gun too … And it IS such a treat to sail with
a gentle well…bred crew。〃
I saw him every day。 How the happy moments sped！ Reef topsails！
Make all taut！ There's dirty weather ahead！ （I do not mean that tempests
threatened the HOT CROSS BUN； In THAT case； I don't know whatever
we SHOULD have done！）
After a fortnight's cruise； we put into port one day； And off on leave
for a week went kind LIEUTENANT BELAYE； And after a long long
week had passed （and it seemed like a life）； LIEUTENANT BELAYE
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returned to his ship with a fair young wife！
He up； and he says； says he； 〃O crew of the HOT CROSS BUN； Here
is the wife of my heart； for the Church has made us one！〃 And as he
uttered the word； the crew went out of their wits； And all fell down in so
many separate fainting…fits。
And then their hair came down； or off； as the case might be； And lo！
the rest of the crew were simple girls； like me； Who all had fled from their
homes in a sailor's blue array； To follow the shifting fate of kind
LIEUTENANT BELAYE。
* * * * * * * *
It's strange to think that I should ever have loved young men； But I'm
speaking of ten years past … I was barely sixty then； And now my cheeks
are furrowed with grief and age； I trow！ And poor POLL PINEAPPLE'S
eyes have lost their lustre now！
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Ballad： The Two Ogres
Good children； list； if you're inclined； And wicked children too … This
pretty ballad is designed Especially for you。
Two ogres dwelt in Wickham Wold … Each TRAITS distinctive had：
The younger was as good as gold； The elder was as bad。
A wicked； disobedient son Was JAMES M'ALPINE； and A contrast to
the elder one； Good APPLEBODY BLAND。
M'ALPINE … brutes like him are few … In greediness delights； A
melancholy victim to Unchastened appetites。
Good； well…bred children every day He ravenously ate； … All boys were
fish who found their way Into M'ALPINE'S net：
Boys whose good breeding is innate； Whose sums are always right；
And boys who don't expostulate When sent to bed at night；
And kindly boys who never search The nests of birds of song； And
serious boys for whom； in church； No sermon is too long。
Contrast with JAMES'S greedy haste And comprehensive hand； The
nice discriminating taste Of APPLEBODY BLAND。
BLAND only eats bad boys； who swear … Who CAN behave； but
DON'T … Disgraceful lads who say 〃don't care；〃 And 〃shan't；〃 and 〃can't；〃
and 〃won't。〃
Who wet their shoes and learn to box； And say what isn't true； Who
bite their nails and jam their frocks； And make long noses too；
Who kick a nurse's aged shin； And sit in sulky mopes； And boys who
twirl poor kittens in Distracting zoetropes。
But JAMES； when he was quite a youth； Had often been to school；
And though so bad； to tell the truth； He wasn't quite a fool。
At logic few with him could vie； To his peculiar sect He could propose
a fallacy With singular effect。
So； when his Mentors said； 〃Expound … Why eat good children … why？〃
Upon his Mentors he would round With this absurd reply：
〃I have been taught to love the good … The pure … the unalloyed … And
wicked boys； I'v