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may often be said； Why HE should be pitched upon rather than HIM。 This
wasn't the case with Old PAUL and Old TIM。
No soul could discover a reason at all For marrying TIMOTHY rather
than PAUL； Though all could have offered good reasons； on oath； Against
marrying either … or marrying both。
They were equally wealthy and equally old； They were equally timid
and equally bold； They were equally tall as they stood in their shoes …
Between them； in fact； there was nothing to choose。
Had I been young EMILY； I should have said； 〃You're both much too
old for a pretty young maid； Threescore at the least you are verging upon〃；
But I wasn't young EMILY。 Let us get on。
No coward's blood ran in young EMILY'S veins； Her martial old father
loved bloody campaigns； At the rumours of battles all over the globe He
pricked up his ears like the war…horse in 〃Job。〃
He chuckled to hear of a sudden surprise … Of soldiers； compelled；
through an enemy's spies； Without any knapsacks or shakos to flee … For
an eminent army…contractor was he。
So when her two lovers； whose patience was tried； Implored her
between them at once to decide； She told them she'd marry whichever
might bring Good proofs of his doing the pluckiest thing。
They both went away with a qualified joy： That coward； Old PAUL；
chose a very small boy； And when no one was looking； in spite of his fears；
He set to work boxing that little boy's ears。
The little boy struggled and tugged at his hair； But the lion was roused；
and Old PAUL didn't care； He smacked him； and whacked him； and boxed
him； and kicked Till the poor little beggar was royally licked。
Old TIM knew a trick worth a dozen of that； So he called for his stick
and he called for his hat。 〃I'll cover myself with cheap glory … I'll go And
wallop the Frenchmen who live in Soho！
〃The German invader is ravaging France With infantry rifle and
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cavalry lance； And beautiful Paris is fighting her best To shake herself free
from her terrible guest。
〃The Frenchmen in London； in craven alarms； Have all run away from
the summons to arms； They haven't the pluck of a pigeon … I'll go And
wallop the Frenchmen who skulk in Soho！〃
Old TIMOTHY tried it and found it succeed： That day he caused many
French noses to bleed； Through foggy Soho he spread fear and dismay；
And Frenchmen all round him in agony lay。
He took care to abstain from employing his fist On the old and the
crippled； for they might resist； A crippled old man may have pluck in his
breast； But the young and the strong ones are cowards confest。
Old TIM and Old PAUL； with the list of their foes； Prostrated
themselves at their EMILY'S toes： 〃Oh； which of us two is the pluckier
blade？〃 And EMILY answered and EMILY said：
〃Old TIM has thrashed runaway Frenchmen in scores； Who ought to
be guarding their cities and shores； Old PAUL has made little chaps' noses
to bleed … Old PAUL has accomplished the pluckier deed！〃
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Ballad： The Mystic Selvagee
Perhaps already you may know SIR BLENNERHASSET PORTICO？
A Captain in the Navy； he … A Baronet and K。C。B。 You do？ I thought so！
It was that Captain's favourite whim （A notion not confined to him） That
RODNEY was the greatest tar Who ever wielded capstan…bar。 He had been
taught so。
〃BENBOW！ CORNWALLIS！ HOOD！ … Belay！ Compared with
RODNEY〃 … he would say … 〃No other tar is worth a rap！ The great LORD
RODNEY was the chap The French to polish！ 〃Though； mind you； I
respect LORD HOOD； CORNWALLIS； too； was rather good； BENBOW
could enemies repel； LORD NELSON； too； was pretty well … That is； tol…
lol…ish！〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET spent his days In learning RODNEY'S little
ways； And closely imitated； too； His mode of talking to his crew … His port
and paces。 An ancient tar he tried to catch Who'd served in RODNEY'S
famous batch； But since his time long years have fled； And RODNEY'S
tars are mostly dead： EHEU FUGACES！
But after searching near and far； At last he found an ancient tar Who
served with RODNEY and his crew Against the French in 'Eighty…two；
（That gained the peerage）。 He gave him fifty pounds a year； His rum； his
baccy； and his beer； And had a comfortable den Rigged up in what； by
merchantmen； Is called the steerage。
〃Now； JASPER〃 … 't was that sailor's name … 〃Don't fear that you'll
incur my blame By saying； when it seems to you； That there is anything I
do That RODNEY wouldn't。〃 The ancient sailor turned his quid； Prepared
to do as he was bid： 〃Ay； ay； yer honour； to begin； You've done away with
'swifting in' … Well； sir； you shouldn't！
〃Upon your spars I see you've clapped Peak halliard blocks； all iron…
capped。 I would not christen that a crime； But 'twas not done in
RODNEY'S time。 It looks half…witted！ Upon your maintop…stay； I see； You
always clap a selvagee！ Your stays； I see； are equalized … No vessel； such
as RODNEY prized； Would thus be fitted！
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〃And RODNEY； honoured sir； would grin To see you turning deadeyes
in； Not UP； as in the ancient way； But downwards； like a cutter's stay … You
didn't oughter； Besides； in seizing shrouds on board； Breast backstays you
have quite ignored； Great RODNEY kept unto the last Breast backstays on
topgallant mast … They make it tauter。〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET 〃swifted in；〃 Turned deadeyes up； and lent a
fin To strip （as told by JASPER KNOX） The iron capping from his blocks；
Where there was any。 SIR BLENNERHASSET does away； With selvagees
from maintop…stay； And though it makes his sailors stare； He rigs breast
backstays everywhere … In fact； too many。
One morning； when the saucy craft Lay calmed； old JASPER toddled
aft。 〃My mind misgives me； sir； that we Were wrong about that selvagee …
I should restore it。〃 〃Good；〃 said the Captain； and that day Restored it to
the maintop…stay。 Well…practised sailors often make A much more serious
mistake； And then ignore it。
Next day old JASPER came once more： 〃I think； sir； I was right
before。〃 Well； up the mast the sailors skipped； The selvagee was so