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improvement on The one he found her in。）
The Bishop in his gay canoe （His wife； of course； went with him too）
To some adjacent island flew； To spend his honeymoon。 Some day in
sunny Rum…ti…Foo A little PETER'll be on view； And that （if people tell
me true） Is like to happen soon。
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Ballad： A Worm Will Turn
I love a man who'll smile and joke When with misfortune crowned；
Who'll pun beneath a pauper's yoke； And as he breaks his daily toke；
Conundrums gay propound。
Just such a man was BERNARD JUPP； He scoffed at Fortune's frown；
He gaily drained his bitter cup … Though Fortune often threw him up； It
never cast him down。
Though years their share of sorrow bring； We know that far above All
other griefs； are griefs that spring From some misfortune happening To
those we really love。
E'en sorrow for another's woe Our BERNARD failed to quell； Though
by this special form of blow No person ever suffered so； Or bore his grief
so well。
His father； wealthy and well clad； And owning house and park； Lost
every halfpenny he had； And then became （extremely sad！） A poor
attorney's clerk。
All sons it surely would appal； Except the passing meek； To see a
father lose his all； And from an independence fall To one pound ten a
week！
But JUPP shook off this sorrow's weight； And； like a Christian son；
Proved Poverty a happy fate … Proved Wealth to be a devil's bait； To lure
poor sinners on。
With other sorrows BERNARD coped； For sorrows came in packs；
His cousins with their housemaids sloped … His uncles forged … his aunts
eloped … His sisters married blacks。
But BERNARD； far from murmuring （Exemplar； friends； to us）；
Determined to his faith to cling； … He made the best of everything； And
argued softly thus：
〃'Twere harsh my uncles' forging knack Too rudely to condemn … My
aunts； repentant； may come back； And blacks are nothing like as black As
people colour them！〃
Still Fate； with many a sorrow rife； Maintained relentless fight： His
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grandmamma next lost her life； Then died the mother of his wife； But still
he seemed all right。
His brother fond （the only link To life that bound him now） One
morning； overcome by drink； He broke his leg （the right； I think） In some
disgraceful row。
But did my BERNARD swear and curse？ Oh no … to murmur loth； He
only said； 〃Go； get a nurse： Be thankful that it isn't worse； You might have
broken both！〃
But worms who watch without concern The cockchafer on thorns； Or
beetles smashed； themselves will turn If； walking through the slippery fern；
You tread upon their corns。
One night as BERNARD made his track Through Brompton home to
bed； A footpad； with a vizor black； Took watch and purse； and dealt a
crack On BERNARD'S saint…like head。
It was too much … his spirit rose； He looked extremely cross。 Men
thought him steeled to mortal foes； But no … he bowed to countless blows；
But kicked against this loss。
He finally made up his mind Upon his friends to call； Subscription
lists were largely signed； For men were really glad to find Him mortal；
after all！
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Ballad： The Haughty Actor
An actor … GIBBS； of Drury Lane … Of very decent station； Once
happened in a part to gain Excessive approbation： It sometimes turns a
fellow's brain And makes him singularly vain When he believes that he
receives Tremendous approbation。
His great success half drove him mad； But no one seemed to mind him；
Well； in another piece he had Another part assigned him。 This part was
smaller； by a bit； Than that in which he made a hit。 So； much ill…used； he
straight refused To play the part assigned him。
* * * * * * * *
THAT NIGHT THAT ACTOR SLEPT； AND I'LL ATTEMPT TO
TELL YOU OF THE VIVID DREAM HE DREAMT。
THE DREAM。
In fighting with a robber band （A thing he loved sincerely） A sword
struck GIBBS upon the hand； And wounded it severely。 At first he didn't
heed it much； He thought it was a simple touch； But soon he found the
weapon's bound Had wounded him severely。
To Surgeon COBB he made a trip； Who'd just effected featly An
amputation at the hip Particularly neatly。 A rising man was Surgeon COBB
But this extremely ticklish job He had achieved （as he believed）
Particularly neatly。
The actor rang the surgeon's bell。 〃Observe my wounded finger； Be
good enough to strap it well； And prithee do not linger。 That I； dear sir；
may fill again The Theatre Royal Drury Lane： This very night I have to
fight … So prithee do not linger。〃
〃I don't strap fingers up for doles；〃 Replied the haughty surgeon； 〃To
use your cant； I don't play ROLES Utility that verge on。 First amputation …
nothing less … That is my line of business： We surgeon nobs despise all
jobs Utility that verge on
〃When in your hip there lurks disease〃 （So dreamt this lively dreamer）；
〃Or devastating CARIES In HUMERUS or FEMUR； If you can pay a
handsome fee； Oh； then you may remember me … With joy elate I'll
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amputate Your HUMERUS or FEMUR。〃
The disconcerted actor ceased The haughty leech to pester； But when
the wound in size increased； And then began to fester； He sought a learned
Counsel's lair； And told that Counsel； then and there； How COBB'S
neglect of his defect Had made his finger fester。
〃Oh； bring my action； if you please； The case I pray you urge on； And
win me thumping damages From COBB； that haughty surgeon。 He
culpably neglected me Although I proffered him his fee； So pray come
down； in wig and gown； On COBB； that haughty surgeon！〃
That Counsel