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it signify to any one else？ And here I find that I have vexed every
one。'
'Ah！' said Amy； 'mamma said she was afraid it would give offence。'
'I ought to have attended to her。 It was a fit of self…will in
managing myself；' said Guy； murmuring low； as if trying to find the
real indictment； 'yet I thought it a positive duty； wrong every way。'
'What has happened？' said Amy； turning back with him； though she had
reached the door。
'Why； the first person I met was Mr。 Gordon； and he spoke like your
father； half in joke； and I thought entirely so； he said something
about all the world being in such a rage； that I was a bold man to
venture into Broadstone。 Then； while I was at Mr。 Lascelles'； in came
Dr。 Mayerne。 'We missed you at the dinner；' he said； 'and I hear you
shirked the ball； too。' I told him how it was； and he said he was glad
that was all； and advised me to go and call on Colonel Deane and
explain。 I thought that the best wayindeed； I meant it before； and
was walking to his lodgings when Maurice de Courcy met me。 'Ha！' he
cries out； 'Morville！ I thought at least you would have been laid up
for a month with the typhus fever！ As a friend； I advise you to go
home and catch something； for it is the only excuse that will serve
you。 I am not quite sure that it will not be high treason for me to be
seen speaking to you。' I tried to get at the rights of it； but he is
such a harum…scarum fellow there was no succeeding。 Next I met
Thorndale； who only bowed and passed on the other side of the street
sign enough how it was with Philip； so I thought it best to go at once
to the Captain； and get a rational account of what was the matter。'
'Did you？' said Amy； who； though concerned and rather alarmed； had been
smiling at the humorous and expressive tones with which he could not
help giving effect to his narration。
'Yes。 Philip was at home； and veryvery'
'Gracious？' suggested Amy； as he hesitated for a word。
'Just so。 Only the vexatious thing was； that we never could succeed in
coming to an understanding。 He was ready to forgive； but I could not
disabuse him of an ideawhere he picked it up I cannot guessthat I
had stayed away out of pique。 He would not even tell me what he
thought had affronted me； though I asked him over and over again to be
only straightforward； he declared I knew。'
'How excessively provoking！' cried Amy。 'You cannot guess what he
meant？'
'Not the least in the world。 I have not the most distant suspicion。
It was of no use to declare I was not offended with any one； he only
looked in that way of his； as if he knew much better than I did myself；
and told me he could make allowances。'
'Worse than all！ How horrid of him。'
'No； don't spoil me。 No doubt he thinks he has grounds； and my
irritation was unjustifiable。 Yes； I got into my old way。 He
cautioned me； and nearly made me mad！ I never was nearer coming to a
regular outbreak。 Always the same！ Fool that I am。'
'Now； Guy； that is always your way； when other people are provoking；
you abuse yourself。 I am sure Philip was so； with his calm assertion
of being right。'
'The more provoking； the more trial for me。'
'But you endured it。 You say it was only _nearly_ an outbreak。 You
parted friends？ I am sure of that。'
'Yes； it would have been rather too bad not to do that。'
'Then why do you scold yourself； when you really had the victory？'
'The victory will be if the inward feeling as well as the outward token
is ever subdued。'
'0； that must be in time； of course。 Only let me hear how you got on
with Colonel Deane。'
'He was very good…natured； and would have laughed it off； but Philip
went with me； and looked grand； and begged in a solemn way that no more
might be said。 I could have got on better alone； but Philip was very
kind； or； as you say； gracious。'
'And provoking；' added Amy； 'only I believe you do not like me to say
so。'
'It is more agreeable to hear you call him so at this moment than is
good for me。 I have no right to complain； since I gave the offence。'
'The offence？'
'The absenting myself。'
'Oh！ that you did because you thought it right。'
'I want to be clear that it was right。'
'What do you mean？' cried she； astonished。 'It was a great piece of
self…denial； and I only felt it wrong not to be doing the same。'
'Nay； how should such creatures as you need the same discipline as I？'
She exclaimed to herself how far from his equal she washow weak；
idle； and self…pleasing she felt herself to be； but she could not say
sothe words would not come； and she only drooped her little head；
humbled by his treating her as better than himself。
He proceeded：
'Something wrong I have done； and I want the clue。 Was it self…will in
choosing discipline contrary to your mother's judgment？ Yet she could
not know all。 I thought it her kindness in not liking me to lose the
pleasure。 Besides； one must act for oneself； and this was only my own
personal amusement。'
'Yes；' said Amy； timidly hesitating。
'Well？' said he； with the gentle； deferential tone that contrasted with
his hasty； vehement self…accusations。 'Well？' and he waited； though
not so as to hurry or frighten her； but to encourage； by showing her
words had weight。
'I was thinking of one thing；' said Amy； 'is it not sometimes right to
consider whether we ought to disappoint people who want us to be
pleased？'
'There it is； I believe；' said Guy； stopping and considering； then
going on with a better satisfied air； 'that is a real rule。 Not to be
so bent on myself as to sacrifice other people's feelings to what seems
best for me。 But I don't see whose pleasure I interfered with。'
Amy could have answered； 'Mine；' but the maidenly feeling checked her
again； and she said； 'We all thought you would like it。'
'And I had no right to sacrifice your pleasure！ I see； I see。 The
pleasure of giving pleasure to others is so much the best there is on
earth； that one ought to be passive rather than interfere with it。'
'Yes；' said Amy； 'just as I have seen Mary Ross let herself be swung
till she was giddy； rather than disappoint Charlotte and Helen； who
thought she liked it。'
'If one could get to look at everything with as much indifference as
the swinging！ But it is all selfishness。 It is as easy to be selfish
for one's own good as for one's own pleasure； and I dare say； the first
is as bad as the other。'
'I was thinking of something else；' said Amy。 'I should think it more
like the holly tree in Southey。 Don't you know it？ The young leaves
are sharp and prickly； because they have so much to defend themselves
from； but as the tree grows older； it leaves off the spears； after it
has won the victory。'
'Very kind of you； and very pretty； Amy；' said he