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Amabel； at whom he had hitherto scarcely looked； and said； very low； in
his straightforward way： 'Can I speak to you a little while？'
Amy's face glowed as she moved towards him； and her mother said
something about the drawing…room； where the next moment she found
herself。 She did not use any little restless arts to play with her
embarrassment； she did not torment the flowers or the chimney
ornaments； nor even her own rings； she stood with her hands folded and
her head a little bent down； like a pendant blossom； ready to listen to
whatever might be said to her。
He did not speak at first； but moved uneasily about。 At last he came
nearer； and began speaking fast and nervously。
'Amabel； I want you to consideryou really ought to think whether this
is not a very bad thing for you。'
The drooping head was raised； the downcast lids lifted up； and the blue
eyes fixed on him with a look at once confiding and wondering。 He
proceeded
'I have brought you nothing but unhappiness already。 So far as you
have taken any interest in me； it could cause you only pain； and the
more I think of it； the more unfit it seems that one so formed for
light； and joy； and innocent mirth； should have anything to do with the
darkness that is round me。 Think well of it。 I feel as if I had done
a selfish thing by you； and now； you know； you are not bound。 You are
quite free！ No one knows anything about it； or if they did； the blame
would rest entirely with me。 I would take care it should。 So； Amy；
think； and think well； before you risk your happiness。'
'As to that；' replied Amy； in a soft； low voice； with _such_ a look of
truth in her clear eyes； 'I must care for whatever happens to you； and
I had rather it was with you； than without you；' she said； casting them
down again。
'My Amy！my own！my Verena！'and he held fast one of her hands； as
they sat together on the sofa'I had a feeling that so it might be
through the very worst； yet I can hardly believe it now。'
'Guy；' said Amy； looking up； with the gentle resolution that had lately
grown on her； 'you must not take me for more than I am worth； and I
should like to tell you fairly。 I did not speak last time； because it
was all so strange and so delightful； and I had no time to think；
because I was so confused。 But that is a long time ago； and this has
been a very sad winter； and I have thought a great deal。 I know； and
you know； too； that I am a foolish little thing； I have been silly
little Amy always； you and Charlie have helped me to all the sense I
have； and I don't think I could ever be a clever； strong…minded woman；
such as one admires。'
'Heaven forbid！' ejaculated Guy； moved； perhaps； by a certain
remembrance of St。 Mildred's。
'But；' continued Amy； 'I believe I do really wish to be good； and I
know you have helped me to wish it much more； and I have been trying to
learn to bear things； and so'out came something； very like a sunny
smile； though some tears followed'so if you do like such a silly
little thing； it can't be helped； and we will try to make the best of
her。 Only don't say any more about my being happier without you； for
one thing I am very sure of； Guy； I had rather bear anything with you；
than know you were bearing it alone。 I am only afraid of being foolish
and weak； and making things worse for you。'
'So much worse！ But still；' he added； 'speak as you may； my Amy； I
cannot； must not； feel that I have a right to think of you as my own；
till you have heard all。 You ought to know what my temper is before
you risk yourself in its power。 Amy； my first thought towards Philip
was nothing short of murder。'
She raised her eyes； and saw how far entirely he meant what he said。
'The firstnot the second；' she murmured。
'Yes； the secondthe third。 There was a moment when I could have
given my soul for my revenge！'
'Only a moment！'
'Only a moment； thank Heaven！ and I have not done quite so badly since。
I hope I have not suffered quite in vain； but if that shock could
overthrow all my wonted guards； it might； though I pray Heaven it may
not； it might happen again。'
'I think you conquered yourself then； and that you will again；' said
Amy。
'And suppose I was ever to be mad enough to be angry with you？'
Amy smiled outright here。 'Of course； I should deserve it； but I think
the trouble would be the comforting you afterwards。 Mamma said'she
added； after a long silence； during which Guy's feeling would not let
him speak'mamma said； and I think； that you are much safer and better
with such a quick temper as yours； because you are always struggling
and fighting with it； on the real true religious ground； than a person
more even tempered by nature； but not so much in earnest in doing
right。'
'Yes； if I did not believe myself to be in earnest about that； I could
never dare to speak to you at all。'
'We will help each other；' said Amy； 'you have always helped me； long
before we knew we cared for each other！'
'And； Amy； if you knew how the thought of you helped me last winter；
even when I thought I had forfeited you for ever。'
Their talk only ceased when； at one o'clock； Mrs。 Edmonstone； who had
pronounced in the dressing…room that three hours was enough for them at
once； came in； and asked Guy to go and help to carry Charles down…
stairs。
He went； and Amy nestled up to her mother； raising her face to be
kissed。
'It is very nice！' she whispered； and then arranged her brother's sofa；
as she heard his progress down…stairs beginning。 He was so light and
thin as to be very easily carried； and was brought in between Guy and
one of the servants。 When he was settled on the sofa； he began thus；
'There was a grand opportunity lost last winter。 I was continually
rehearsing the scene； and thinking what waste it was to go through such
a variety of torture without the dignity of danger。 If I could but
have got up ever so small an alarm； I would have conjured my father to
send for Guy； entreated pathetically that the reconciliation might be
effected； and have drawn my last breath clasping their hands； thus！
The curtain falls！'
He made a feint of joining their hands； put his head back； and shut his
eyes with an air and a grace that put Charlotte into an ecstasy； and
made even Amy laugh； as she quitted the room； blushing。
'But if it had been your last breath；' said Charlotte； 'you would not
have been much the wiser。'
'I would have come to life again in time to enjoy the 〃coup de
theatre〃。 I had some thoughts of trying an overdose of opium； but I
thought Dr。 Mayerne would have found me out。 I tell you； because it is
fair I should have the credit； for； Guy； if you knew what she was to me
all the winter； you would perceive my superhuman generosity in not
receiving you as my greatest enemy。'
'I shal