按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
not envy him his secret intrigues。 The reason she trained him was not to transform him (as a husband tries to reform his wife and a wife her husband); but to provide him with the elementary language that enabled them to communicate and live together。
Then too: No one forced her to love Karenin; love for dogs is voluntary。 (Tereza was again reminded of her mother; and regretted everything that had happened between them。 If her mother had been one of the anonymous women in the village; she might well have found her easygoing coarseness agreeable。 Oh; if only her mother had been a stranger! From childhood on; Tereza had been ashamed of the way her mother occupied the features of her face and confiscated her I 。 What made it even worse was that the age…old imperative Love your father and mother! forced her to agree with that occupation; to call the aggression love! It was not her mother's fault that Tereza broke with her。 Tereza broke with her not because she was the mother she was but because she was a mother。)
But most of all: No one can give anyone else the gift of the idyll; only an animal can do so; because only animals were not expelled from Paradise。 The love between dog and man is idyllic。 It knows no conflicts; no hair…raising scenes; it knows no development。 Karenin surrounded Tereza and Tomas with a life based on repetition; and he expected the same from them。
If Karenin had been a person instead of a dog; he would surely have long since said to Tereza; Look; I'm sick and tired of carrying that roll in my mouth every day。 Can't you come up with something different? And therein lies the whole of man's plight。 Human time does not turn in a circle; it runs ahead in a straight line。 That is why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition。
Yes; happiness is the longing for repetition; Tereza said to herself。
When the chairman of the collective farm took his Mefisto out for a walk after work and met Tereza; he never failed to say; Why did he come into my life so late; Tereza? We could have gone skirt chasing; he and I! What woman could resist these two little pigs? at which point the pig was trained to grunt and snort。 Tereza laughed each time; even though she knew beforehand exactly what he would say。 The joke did not lose its charm; through repetition。 On the contrary。 In an idyllic setting; even humor is subject to the sweet law of repetition。
5
Dogs do not have many advantages over people; but one of them is extremely important: euthanasia is not forbidden by law in their case; animals have the right to a merciful death。 Karenin walked on three legs and spent more and more of his time lying in a corner。 And whimpering。 Both husband and wife agreed that they had no business letting him suffer needlessly。 But agree as they might in principle; they still had to face the anguish of determining the time when his suffering was in fact needless; the point at which life was no longer worth living。
If only Tomas hadn't been a doctor! Then they would have been able to hide behind a third party。 They would have been able to go back to the vet and ask him to put the dog to sleep with an injection。
Assuming the role of Death is a terrifying thing。 Tomas insisted that he would not give the injection himself; he would have the vet come and do it。 But then he realized that he could grant Karenin a privilege forbidden to humans: Death would come for him in the guise of his loved ones。
Karenin had whimpered all night。 After feeling his leg in the morning; Tomas said to Tereza; There's no point in waiting。
In a few minutes they would both have to go to work。 Tereza went in to see Karenin。 Until then; he had lain in his corner completely apathetic (not even acknowledging Tomas when he felt his leg); but when he heard the door open and saw Tereza come in; he raised his head and looked at her。
She could not stand his stare; it almost frightened her。 He did not look that way at Tomas; only at her。 But never with such intensity。 It was not a desperate look; or even sad。 No; it was a look of awful; unbearable trust。 The look was an eager question。 All his life Karenin had waited for answers from Tereza; and he was letting her know (with more urgency than usual; however) that he was still ready to learn the truth from her。 (Everything that came from Tereza was the truth。 Even when she gave commands like Sit! or Lie down! he took them as truths to identify with; to give his life meaning。)
His look of awful trust did not last long; he soon laid his head back down on his paws。 Tereza knew that no one ever again would look at her like that。
They had never fed him sweets; but recently she had bought him a few chocolate bars。 She took them out of the foil; broke them into pieces; and made a circle of them around him。 Then she brought over a bowl of water to make sure that he had everything he needed for the several hours he would spend at home alone。 The look he had given her just then seemed to have tired him out。 Even surrounded by chocolate; he did not raise his head。
She lay down on the floor next to him and hugged him。 With a slow and labored turn of the head; he sniffed her and gave her a lick or two。 She closed her eyes while the licking went on; as if she wanted to remember it forever。 She held out the other cheek to be licked。
Then she had to go and take care of her heifers。 She did not return until just before lunch。 Tomas had not come home yet。 Karenin was still lying on the floor surrounded by the chocolate; and did not even lift his head when he heard her come in。 His bad leg was swollen now; and the tumor had burst in another place。 She noticed some light red (not blood…like;) drops forming beneath his fur。
Again she lay down next to him on the floor。 She stretched one arm across his body and closed her eyes。 Then she heard someone banging on the door。 Doctor! Doctor! The pig is here! The pig and his master! She lacked the strength to talk to anyone; and did not move; did not open her eyes。 Doctor! Doctor! The pigs have come! Then silence。
Tomas did not get back for another half hour。 He went straight to the kitchen and prepared the injection without a word。 When he entered the room; Tereza was on her feet and Karenin was picking himself up。 As soon as he saw Tomas; he gave him a weak wag of the tail。
Look; said Tereza; he's still smiling。 She said it beseechingly; trying to win a short reprieve; but did not push for it。
Slowly she spread a sheet out over the couch。 It was a white sheet with a pattern of tiny violets。 She had everything carefully laid out and thought out; having imagined Karenin's death many days in advance。 (Oh; how horrible that we actually dream ahead to the death of those we love!)
He no longer had the strength to jump up on the couch。 They picked him up in their arms together。 Tereza laid him on his side; and Tomas examined one of his good legs。 He was looking for a more or less prominent vein。 Then he cut away the fur with a pair of scissors。
Tereza knelt by the couch and held Karenin's head close to her own。
Tomas asked her to squeeze the leg because he was having trouble sticking the needle in。 She did as she was told; but did not move her face from his head。 She kept talking ge