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The ancient Gnostics felt as I did at the age of five。 In the second century； the great Gnostic master Valentinus resolved the damnable dilemma by claiming that Jesus ate and drank； but did not defecate。
Shit is a more onerous theological problem than is evil。 Since God gave man freedom； we can； if need be； accept the idea that He is not responsible for man's crimes。 The responsibility for shit； however； rests entirely with Him； the Creator of man。
4
In the fourth century； Saint Jerome completely rejected the notion that Adam and Eve had sexual intercourse in Paradise。 On the other hand； Johannes Scotus Erigena； the great ninth…century theologian； accepted the idea。 He believed； moreover； that Adam's virile member could be made to rise like an arm or a leg； when and as its owner wished。 We must not dismiss this fancy as the recurrent dream of a man obsessed with the threat of impotence。 Erigena's idea has a different meaning。 If it were possible to raise the penis by means of a simple command； then sexual excitement would have no place in the world。 The penis would rise not because we are excited but because we order it to do so。 What the great theologian found incompatible with Paradise was not sexual intercourse and the attendant pleasure； what he found incompatible with Paradise was excitement。 Bear in mind： There was pleasure in Paradise； but no excitement。
Erigena's argument holds the key to a theological justification （in other words； a theodicy） of shit。 As long as man was allowed to remain in Paradise； either （like Valentinus' Jesus） he did not defecate at all； or （as would seem more likely） he did not look upon shit as something repellent。 Not until after God expelled man from Paradise did He make him feel disgust。 Man began to hide what shamed him； and by the time he removed the veil； he was blinded by a great light。 Thus； immediately after his introduction to disgust； he was introduced to excitement。 Without shit （in both the literal and figurative senses of the word）； there would be no sexual love as we know it； accompanied by pounding heart and blinded senses。
In Part Three of this novel I told the tale of Sabina standing half…naked with a bowler hat on her head and the fully dressed Tomas at her side。 There is something I failed to mention at the time。 While she was looking at herself in the mirror； excited by her self…denigration； she had a fantasy of Tomas seating her on the toilet in her bowler hat and watching her void her bowels。 Suddenly her heart began to pound and； on the verge of fainting； she pulled Tomas down to the rug and immediately let out an orgasmic shout。
5
The dispute between those who believe that the world was created by God and those who think it came into being of its own accord deals with phenomena that go beyond our reason and experience。 Much more real is the line separating those who doubt being as it is granted to man （no matter how or by whom） from those who accept it without reservation。
Behind all the European faiths； religious and political； we find the first chapter of Genesis； which tells us that the world was created properly； that human existence is good； and that we are therefore entitled to multiply。 Let us call this basic faith a categorical agreement with being。
The fact that until recently the word shit appeared in print as s— has nothing to do with moral considerations。 You can't claim that shit is immoral； after all！ The objection to shit is a metaphysical one。 The daily defecation session is daily proof of the unacceptability of Creation。 Either/or： either shit is acceptable （in which case don't lock yourself in the bathroom！） or we are created in an unacceptable manner。
It follows； then； that the aesthetic ideal of the categorical agreement with being is a world in which shit is denied and everyone acts as though it did not exist。 This aesthetic ideal is called kitsch。
Kitsch is a German word born in the middle of the sentimental nineteenth century； and from German it entered all Western languages。 Repeated use； however； has obliterated its original metaphysical meaning： kitsch is the absolute denial of shit； in both the literal and the figurative senses of the word； kitsch excludes everything from its purview which is essentially unacceptable in human existence。
6
Sabina's initial inner revolt against Communism was aesthetic rather than ethical in character。 What repelled her was not nearly so much the ugliness of the Communist world （ruined castles transformed into cow sheds） as the mask of beauty it tried to wear—in other words； Communist kitsch。 The model of Communist kitsch is the ceremony called May Day。
She had seen May Day parades during the time when people were still enthusiastic or still did their best to feign enthusiasm。 The women all wore red； white； and blue blouses； and the public； looking on from balconies and windows； could make out various five…pointed stars； hearts； and letters when the marchers went into formation。 Small brass bands accompanied the individual groups； keeping everyone in step。 As a group approached the reviewing stand； even the most blase faces would beam with dazzling smiles； as if trying to prove they were properly joyful or； to be more precise； in proper agreement。 Nor were they merely expressing political agreement with Communism； no； theirs was an agreement with being as such。 The May Day ceremony drew its inspiration from the deep well of the categorical agreement with being。 The unwritten； unsung motto of the parade was not Long live Communism！ but Long live life！ The power and cunning of Communist politics lay in the fact that it appropriated this slogan。 For it was this idiotic tautology （ Long live life！ ） which attracted people indifferent to the theses of Communism to the Communist parade。
7
Ten years later （by which time she was living in America）； a friend of some friends； an American senator； took Sabina for a drive in his gigantic car； his four children bouncing up and down in the back。 The senator stopped the car in front of a stadium with an artificial skating rink； and the children jumped out and started running along the large expanse of grass surrounding it。 Sitting behind the wheel and gazing dreamily after the four little bounding figures； he said to Sabina； Just look at them。 And describing a circle with his arm； a circle that was meant to take in stadium； grass； and children； he added； Now that's what I call happiness。
Behind his words there was more than joy at seeing children run and grass grow； there was a deep understanding of the plight of a refugee from a Communist country where； the senator was convinced； no grass grew or children ran。
At that moment an image of the senator standing on a reviewing stand in a Prague square flashed through Sabina's mind。 The smile on his face was the smile Communist statesmen beamed from the height of their reviewing stand to the identically smiling citizens in the parade below。
8
How did the senator know that children meant happiness？ Could he see into their souls？ What if； the moment they were out of sight； three of them jumped the fourth and began beating him up？
The senator had only one argument in his favor： his feeling。 When the heart speaks；